Bad Dog!

"Cone Of Shame"

Wow! This has turned out to be a really interesting question. At first I thought that I’d just bang out a quick answer but was surprised to discover that I was unable to think of anything that I would roll my eyes at.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I chastised myself with a disbelieving shake of the head, “Now – just think clearly for a moment. What makes you roll your eyes?” And there it was again – Nothing!
“Nonsense,” I hear you say, “Surely there must be loads of things that make you roll your eyes?” And therein, of course, lies the problem.

As I’m sure you’ve gathered, the reason I could not think of one thing which makes me look skyward, is that most things do! And I really do mean most things! It’s starting to become a little frightening as the list I’m compiling in my head grows ever longer without any sign of slowing down or, for the love of God, coming to an end. Kids, adults, the police, society, the government, speeding motorists, my electricity supplier, foreigners, benefit frauds, unhelpful ‘helpline’ staff, the weather, queue jumpers, drunks, sexist men, littering, my crappy neighbours, work, insurance companies, cowboy tradesmen, delivery firms that cannot find my address, poorly packaged breakfast cereal, a slow internet connection, people who cycle on the pavement, etc. etc.

I have thus been forced into the inescapably shocking conclusion that I have allowed myself to become a ‘grumpy old fart’.

If I were a dog I would force myself to wear the ‘cone of shame’. Do not look at me people of the World! Avert your eyes. Pass me by as you would a leper or a pariah. I am a grumpy old fart. Unclean. :0(

I must fix this.