Using guile, cunning and an elaborate disguise, I was to get very merrily pissed.

I promised myself a taste of the sweet berry wine. It was a 44 year old French White. Sauvignon. My plan was simple, disguise my attempt to swig a glass of it, whilst charming the pants off it's grotesque owner, Madame Le Rou.

Madame Le Rou was a celebrity grape expert in the village. She had only two passions in life, the exquisite taste of a home grown beverage, and male escorts.

I was to don a master disguise, tight pants, possibly lycra, she was an extrovert after all. A fancy cap, anything that showed off my brown cavernous eyes. A pair of leather boots, German Imports, sturdy, like the old bird.

She knew my face as the local pin up boy, a nearby salon had once needed to advertise a selection of haircuts, I happily had agreed to to smile awkwardly and let the photography commence. It paid well, and there had been talk that the old wine hag had taken a liking to the posters as well...