hearts ♥ brick-red ♥ brecciated jasper & black hematite stylized as an aphrodisiac silphion seed overdubbed by a tricolor broken-hearts-symbol ಌ

I am something else entirely. Although I am more inclined to say my spirituality wins out over my religiosity. I was brought up in the catholic tradition, and growing up, I took for granted that people would know that I was talking about if I ever brought up anything about the apparent meaning of Christmas or whatnot. It's just this thing that happens when you're little, and you assume your experience is everyone's. Now I was a pretty smart kid, most of my friends being books instead of flesh and blood people, and I was always more drawn to the fantastical or magical themes, versus the "facts" laid down by my religious institiution. I took untold books on alien encounters from the school library. I literally fed on knowledge, and this was before I ever encountered the internet. It wasn't as hard to gather back then as you think. The internet has in a very weird way, made it harder to access a lot of information. I'm getting sidetracked however. I had a hard time sititng still in church, and for the earliest parts of my childhood, I remember being made to sit in "the crying room." From fifth or sixth grade on, I became more legitimately interested in church stuff, became more convinced of god's truth, but never quite sold on the fact that Jesus' painful death showed how much his father loved him, or that there was only one way to "reach the light" as it were. I remember going on retreats with my church youth group, and having very conflicted discussions with some of the older people there. I discussed how I noticed there were christ-like figures featured in other religions and explained how that meant anyone good would be rewarded. He said to me something along the lines of, "All good works will be in vain if you don't do it with the belief that Jesus is God." But the bible tells us he isn't God,but that he is the son of God. I can't forget such discrepancies between the doctrines and what is actually given to us in the so-called good book. I probably even tried to convert some people in my misguided religious quest, sad as it is to say. And I had that idiotic faze where I liked certain musical artists simply because they were apparently "Christian." And as much as I wanted to and loved to learn about other religions, I was fairly sheltered just because of what they tend to say about other relgions and whatnot, false prophets and stuff like that. Two things happened that shaked my perception to the core. One was 9/11. When it happened, we were forced to stare it it on a television screen at school all day. I remember getting angry and it was at The entirety of Islam, because the media attacked the event in such a way that all I could think about was only the surface meaning of their words. Brainwashing pure and simple. I began to doubt the seemingly well structured world around me, and realized I needed to learn much more about a lot of things before passing judgment on anything. After all I did hear about the crusades, and the ugly truth behind events like that. I learned that this wasn't religious in nature, but politics plain and simple. Or hiding behind the facade of religion to justify anything. Organized religion is after all the oldest trick in the book in regards to control. I discovered my liberalness, and became a self-styled revolutionary, but I was still overly convinced by my religious experience, and went through with my confirmation. This was the second event. I knew upon my confirmation that all I wanted was out. I thought someone as devout as me would hear voices, or speak in tongues or something with my transcendence to full personhood in the eyes of the church, but no. For a time, I went without prayer, or the study of religion in any way, I stopped giving things up for lent, I started mouthing the mass parts, instead of saying them out loud, which I still have to do any time I am roped into going to church or decide to go of my own accord. I believe Harry Potter to be more true than the patriachal claptrap shoved down our collective throats. And discovering further my gender identity, sexualty, and sexual orientation being what they are, how can I support a system that won't acknowledge me as even a legit person? I got back into studying various mythologies and bits and pieces of other religions, but too worried about practicing something new under my parents' roof, nothing clicked. College happened, and I went back to church a few times of my own volition, but the real magic happened in my wanderings. It took me a long time, but I began to realize that I could feel the spirit of a location, catch glimpses of their "memories" as it were and a general gift for making strong social connections. In this way I am more spiritual, but I do not bog myself down with terms, keeping myself unlimited. I believe now in all gods, as well as none, the self as a means of creating all reality, and that I can manipulate energies that are not able to manifest themselves physically. I am obsessed with gem lore, spirit animals, and a oneness with nature. I pick and choose all across the board, so to one person I could be very religious, while to another I am very spiritual. I play with tarot cards, and spout obscure philosophical advice. All I can really say for certain is that I am a person, and these are the tools I use to achieve a higher level of understanding. If you want to know more or discuss this more fully feel free to hit me up anytime day or night.