Raspberry Cocktail

Is someone at the Plinky recently single and looking for some dating advice? Well, my advice would be don't ask random strangers on the interwebs for dating advice.

I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of lines throughout the course of my life and I have never heard a good one. By definition, pick-up lines are doomed to fail. I can only speak from the female perspective here since I've never been a man, but generally, they won't work unless the woman thinks you're cute to begin with or you're dealing with a female who is so drunk that she can't even remember her own name. If the latter is the case, you could walk up and say "walrus the doorknob, flurbengurgen?" and it would probably have equal odds of success as any clever quip you've spent hours perfecting.

Women like conversations. We like to think that when someone approaches us, they're interested in more than just our boobs, whether it's true or not. You can be interested only in the boobs and still play it off like you want the whole package. And, by whole package, I mean what's inside our flirty little noggins as well.

I don't put myself in the position to hear pick-up lines anymore. I don't just stand around drinking in bars, waiting for some poor schlub to approach me with whatever line it is that he thought about all night. I have heard my fair share though, and I will tell you this much, none of them work. Even if they seem to work, it's only because the girl thinks you have a cute butt or nice eyes, not because of the words spewing out of your mouth.

Some other tips: don't offer to buy her a drink unless she's ordering one herself because then she'll feel obligated to talk to you. You won't know whether she actually likes you or she's just counting the seconds until she can move away politely. Don't touch her unless she touches you first. Don't be a personal space invader. Pay attention to body language. It will be evident whether she likes you or not by whether she's looking at you or looking around the room for a way to escape.

Generally speaking, the best pick-up line is simply, "Hello." Either she'll dig you or she won't, and saying some silly line like "Is it hot in here or is it you" isn't really going to change that. If she's hot, she's probably heard it all before anyway. You have 50/50 odds. Have a conversation. Make small talk. Show her what you're made of, and eventually, maybe you'll have a shot at touching the boobs.

So, don't fear, newly single Plinky employee. Just be yourself and give it a shot. The next time you see a girl you like, just walk up and say, "Hello." You'll never know unless you try. Good luck.