If I were a superhero, I'd be The Amazing Captain Emo, the most useless hero ever. As Capt Emo, I will have the power to self-destroy. I will also have the ability to run slowly, walk halfway through a brick wall, and play an invisible and inaudible tambourine.

Using my intense telekinesis, I will be able to turn Quarters into Pennies and see through walls made of glass. I will have super hearing but it will only work at rock concerts. With a snap of a finger, I can make strippers get dressed.

People will feel much better about themselves when they're around, Captain Eeeeeeeemmmmmooooooooooooo!