- This is in answer to:
- List 5 of your top dating deal breakers. See all answers
- October 27, 2010 by rbafroggie
- Okay, I Wound Up With More Than Five Deal Breakers, So Sue Me...
If a man spends even one second of our date telling me he beat another man to a bloody pulp just because he felt like it and is proud of it (yes, this happened) I'm out the door. I will not tolerate violence of any kind from men, unless it is a last resort to protect themselves or others. I have already been through enough in that respect. If he's always looking for a fight, he is not looking for me.
I don't like men who are thoughtless and rude to anyone. Men who open their mouths without thinking. Men who don't care how their words or actions make other people feel. It takes an effort to be kind. Any mindless idiot can be cruel. Men who build themselves up by tearing other people down are not men I want around me as friends or otherwise.
If a man believes my sole purpose in life as a woman is to do everything that he tells me to do or else, he can go right back out the door. If a man feels that I will always be inferior to him because I am a woman, he can get hit by the door. If a man feels that if we are together I become his property to deal with as he sees fit, I will bar the door. I am first and foremost a human being. If a man really cares about me, he will always want me to walk beside him, not behind him. He would never claim the right to hurt me because he is a man and I am 'just a woman'.
I'm not talking about just getting off of work and not having time to change. I never had a problem being seen with or hugging my man when he's all sweaty or dirty from work. I'm talking about normal, everyday hygiene. Taking showers, brushing teeth, and using deodorant (to prevent odor, not to attempt to erase existing odor please, that does not work). Strong body odor, dirty hair, and dirty or wrinkled clothing is a turnoff when you have a date. If you don't care enough about your date to show up unoffensive smelling or presentable, do them a favor and don't show up at all.
Guys have an incredibly male scent that is clear even after they've showered and used deodorant. I would much rather have my man clean without being overpowered by heavily scented soaps, deodorants or cologne. Using scents to enhance is one thing, but if people can smell you coming before you even get in the room, you are definitely overdoing it. I went with a guy once who wore this horrendous Patchouli scent. He used the undiluted oil itself, which is very powerful. I had to roll the windows of the car down in order to breathe. No matter how many people tried to discreetly tell him that it was overpowering and offensive, he refused to listen. As a matter of fact, he used even more. It was very sad.
My mom, dad and brother all smoke(d). I have been breathing in second-hand smoke my entire life. I have kissed men who smoke before, and I did not enjoy it. It tasted too much like our entire house smelled. No matter how often I washed my clothes, I always smelled like a dirty ashtray when I went out. It is a dirty, unhealthy, expensive habit that hurts you and everyone around you. My lung capacity is already seriously compromised through no fault of my own due to my lifetime exposure, and I am watching my mother slowly suffocate to death as a result of her 50+ year, three pack a day habit. I will not subject myself to the physical and emotional suffering that goes along with it any longer. No smokers. Period.
I am more than fine with drinking in moderation. If you want to come home, kick back in the recliner and have a beer that's fine. But if you can drink more than a six-pack by yourself in one day, you drink too much for me. I come from an alcoholic family system. My dad died from liver disease in 2008. My mom and brother both have cirrhosis of the liver. I have lost aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides of my family from the effects of alcoholism. If you prefer to drink instead of eat, drink at all hours of the day, or like to sit in bars for hours on end, you are not the man for me.
My brother is an addict. He has put our family through hell since before he was a teenager. I absolutely will not tolerate any abuse of drugs in any capacity under any circumstances. If you are a substance abuser, you are not the man for me.
A man that is cruel to people or to animals is no man in my eyes.
Allowing Looks To Affect Your Behavior
I am a woman not a doll. I am not a wealthy celebrity that can afford all the plastic surgery that money can buy. I am not a size 2. I do not have perfect teeth, but I have a perfectly lovely smile. I will never be a model, but I am beautiful in my own right. Even if you find that I am not your cup of tea, please treat me with the respect that I deserve. You do not have to desire a woman to be a friend to her.