Plinky asked me to share my worst roommate story. Does a vacation roommate count? I will pretend that it does.

Slapende vrouw in strandstoel / Sleeping woman in beach chair

It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing week at the beach with my best friend. We had never gone on a vacation together. We met at work about 5 years ago and decided that it would be fun to go to the beach. Big, big mistake. My bestest friend was the worst roommate ever.
It's not because she snored.I wish it would have been that easy. No, this one was a totally different because I went to the beach with someone who believes that the world is flat.
Ok, I realize that I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I can answer some questions on Jeopardy. But, let's just say that by the end of the week, I wanted to throw myself off of the balcony. Here are just a FEW of the things I had to put up with from my beach roommate:

Sitting on a sand chair, looking out over the ocean..”Vickie, now this ocean…is it infinite, meaning does it go on and on or does it end somewhere?” WTH? I just looked at her and replied, “I believe it ends in Africa.” “You’re shittin me?” She was surprised. What I found cute was the fact that she felt it necessary to define “infinite” for me, like I was the one who was stupid.

“Lifeguards…Vickie, do you think they have like a special training session where they learn how to save a life?”

On kids digging deep holes...."Vickie, if I stepped in one of those holes and broke my ankle, would I be able to sue the lifeguard? I mean, it is his job to watch the beach?" I told her she would have to sue the kid. "Well, how would I know which one to sue?" I told her to take a picture of the one with the shovel. She then laughed, like I was stupid and said, "Like I am going to be wanting to take a picture after I broke my ankle." I told her I would take the picture. "Oh, ok. That would be good then." (Gun to temple, pull trigger.)

She was also mad because I didn’t want to lie by the pool. I didn’t drive 11 hours to lie by a pool. People pee in pools…Why would I want to sit my butt in an inner tube and float down the stupid lazy river…hello? It is not a river…I rented an umbrella for $15 a day, but would she sit under it? Nope..she wouldn’t even put her beachbag (my bag, she forgot hers) under the umbrella, for fear of feeling she would have to share the cost each day, even though I told her I would take care of it.

It all started when we arrived at Myrtle and went to dinner. I looked over at her and she was crying…because she missed her daughter….who is 26…um…ok..I felt like a bad mom because I didn’t cry. She repeated on a time delay everything I said like I never said it in the first place…I’m talking like 15 times a day…She forgot everything..”Don’t forget your breakfast card.” (Walk to the elevator) “Vickie, do you have the room key? I forgot my breakfast card.” Of course you did. She forgot her camera. She forgot her shampoo and forgot flip flops for the sand. She forgot her brain. By the end of the week, I wanted to feed myself to the sharks.


I was having trouble with the wireless connection and she told me that a CONNECTION means that it has to CONNECT somewhere, so I should have a plug.

During a walk along the beach right before dark, we went down to a little lagoon-area. We talked to a gentleman who was walking his two springer spaniels. As soon as they left, she asked me, “Now, Vickie, what kind of thing would have made those kind of marks…they are all along the beach here go in and out of the water.” “Well,Rita, those would be dog paw prints.” Oh, dear God, please help me.

On the way home, she screwed up the TomTom GPS because the end destination was her daughter’s home address, not mine. (We live in the same town.) She had an ice cream cone and it had melted down all over the seatbelt in my car. I don’t know how she even let that happen, but she looked like a child sitting in a highchair left alone too long..

I couldn't get home fast enough.

Needless to say, we have not talked since we got home.