Josh A. Cagan
I have to watch the Super Bowl every year, because it's, like, the law or something. So what goes around comes around. This year, the Super Bowl has to watch me, and the stuff I like. Now I wouldn't "sing," because I'm aware of my limitations, which, coincidentally, is why I'm wonderful. I would serve as emcee, warm up the crowd...And then bring out the acts. Each act gets 3 minutes. Let's do this. We only got 12 minutes to save the world.

Ted Leo and The Pharmacists: "Me & Mia"
I don't care for Bruce Springsteen. When I want a working class guy with a guitar to shout at me about uber-borked America is, I turn to Mr. Theodore Leo, a guy who sings for the kids of Springsteen's denim army. Unlike Bruce, Ted kept buying records after 1976, and as a result, his music is just as much punk as it is rock.

So, boom, he and the Pharmacists rip into the most awesome song about bulimia, like, ever. Then the pneumatic stage rotates, and we get...

Elvis Costello and the Impostors: "Radio Radio"
Okay, now the crowd's on it's feet, but damn it, they need to see an old guy. An old UK guy who sings a song that everyone knows. McCartney did it a few years back to great success, so let's bring out his ex-writing partner to bust out a song that nobody ever gets tired of. The blaring Hammond, the drums that can be heard from space, the anti-media sentiment that turns the whole affair into post-modern meta commentary like that...And you can shake your ass to it.

Well, you can pogo to it, I suppose.

Let's get some asses shaking. Turn the stage.

Outkast: "Bombs Over Bagdhad" w/Tom Morello
Ever hear this version? It's totally choice. Sure, it's going to make everyone mad, due to the fact that we're still, like, at war and stuff...But at least nobody's nipple is going to pop out. Well, maybe Andre 3000's.

It'll be great. Steve Naive from the Impostors can play a totally sweet organ riff that bleeds into Morello's guitar, then Big Boy and Mr. 3000 come out and just NAIL IT. Man. Let's take a break and go to the video tape. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9gGrOfzkWo

Sweet. Time to bring it home. Everyone out on stage, along with...

Parliment Funkadelic: "One Nation Under a Groove"
So high, you can't get over it. Try. Try to get over it.

You can't, fool. Damn.