I'm worried that my dad doesn't understand how Facebook works. First, he friended me. Number one rule: don't friend your kids. Especially ones who don't hesitate to put of pictures of last weekend's parties. I'm pretty sure NO parent ever wants to know that much about their children, no matter what their age.

Second, his profile picture was Brad Pitt. Ocean's Thirteen Brad Pitt. Not even Spy Game Brad Pitt. I'm talking Legends of the Fall-era Brad Pitt. It's pretty much bad news bears no matter what. My dad looks nothing like Brad Pitt. Not then, not now. Before I go any further, I love you Dad, especially for giving me material to write about. But c'mon. You're not hideous. You're also not Brad Pitt.

Third, my dad's got eight friends. Seven are family. One's my step-sister's ex-boyfriend. Really. My dad needs to get the concept of friend-ing. Or maybe needs to start in real life. Again Dad, love you, but you're killing me.

He seems to think that Facebook is like a little clubhouse for people to go "Yeah, that crazy thing you're into...I'M INTO THAT!!!" It's annoying when the stoners do that and invite me to their "Legalize Pot" cause, it's annoying when you do it and invite me to your "We're Not Republicans Anymore, But Conservative's a Bad Name Now Too, So We're Going With Libertarians Now...GUNS!!!" group. Annoying. I don't try and invite you to come to Jon Stewart's shindig in D.C. in real life, don't invite me to your "Real Men Have Gun Closets" group on Facebook. I'm trying to stalk people here, I don't need you clogging up my space.

Long story short, Dad...Facebook's not for you. Ever.

Your loving son.