English Soldier

Among his many odd habits, my first husband would not eat caramels even though he loved them. The reason he gave was he had read once caramels were detrimental to good character or something like that. If you ate caramels, it meant you were weak and soft. Eating gooey, chewy treats lead to a degenerate personality.

On the other hand, it meant I never had to fight for my favourite when a box of chocolates came our way. I had most of the box to myself because I think he felt the path to perdition was paved with semi-sweet and milk chocolate cream filled, caramel filled or even, yechhh, coconut filled. I suppose to build my character I should have eaten the ones with nuts and coconut but, you know, I always felt my personality and keen moral sense was doing just fine without any additional penance.

He would only allow his back to be scratched every so often for exactly the same reason. Proactive steps to build character included taking the occasional cold shower. Not too often, however as I think by the time he was in his early 20's he'd come to realize depriving oneself of indulgences and subjecting oneself to privations would not be sufficient to overcome the basic degenerate lifestyle he was studiously trying to avoid but equally desperately wanted.

Inclination won out over determination. I still will pick out all the caramels first. Now because I like them, then because I was looking for love in all the wrong fillings.