I wanna hold your hand

"There will be people in this world that will lift you up. Seek those people out."
- Mom

So, it may seem cliche to cite "mother knows best" kind of advice, but this is probably one of the best pieces of advice anyone has ever given me. It is common at my house to engage in deep conversation with my mother, especially over a glass or two (or 3) of red wine, So, one night, not too unlike the other nights I stay up late with my mom, we were getting jovially tipsy, this time divulging our juciest secrets concerning the hows and whys of former boyfriends. Things got pretty heavy, and as per usual, we both got emotional. My mom took down her final sip in her final glass of wine for the evening, let a single tear roll down her cheek, and very slowly let these words trickle out: "Alli, there will be people in this world that will lift you up. Seek those people out." It should be known that I take this advice to heart for three reasons, applicable to anyone and everyone. Following this advice...

1) applies to ANY kind of relationship developed between 2 or more people
2) ensures positive self growth through praise and constructive criticism
3) is also selfless, promotes positive treatment of others.

...I will explain.

1) As I processed what was being said, a lightbulb went off in my head: THIS ARE WISE WORDS. Not only was this a brilliant way to go about setting a solid foundation for a romantic relationship, but as I began to conciously follow this advice over the next couple of weeks, I found it was a wonderful way to seek out better platonic friendships, bosses, and teachers. Of course, we can not always choose our bosses and teachers, but as I have found out, it is very possible to choose who we put extra effort into knowing more about, even in a "master, learner" relationship. Seeking people out who show promise to lift you up really know what YOU can do to earn an A+, help you get a promotion/increase sales, or can make you feel happy/balanced in a romantic relationship. This is more positive than may be recognizable on the surface. The other side to this, is that it is important to realize when someone is NOT lifting you up. You can similarly choose to reject special partnerships with those people, putting in only what is essential for a civil relationship (in a classroom, or office, per say) which would just lead to a plateau in personal/relational development. BUT, one MUST be careful in doing this, because...

2) The people that lift you up do not just shower you with praise. In fact, a better sign of someone actually lifting you up, is someone who is not afraid to offer that all important "constructive criticism" when you need it most. Otherwise, how would we learn from our mistakes (in our personal life, in an academic arena, or in the workplace). However, in the end, this timely, balanced combination of praise and constructive criticism will lead to some level of postive growth within the receiver. Also, it is likely that people who are giving constructive criticism have taken the time to get to know you well enough to recognize when it's appropriate to offer praise, and when it's better to offer other advice- this is an invaluable measure of someone seeking to lift you up. In this way, it's necessary to seek people out who have time and energy to get to know you on that level...

3)...AND who you will have time and energy to get to know on that level as well. While this advice seems to be a little bit "me, me, me!", those who TRULY follow it will quickly recognize the positive influence they can have on others. By conciously being someone OTHERS want to actively seek out, you are creating an opportunity to give back and lift them up, making a positive impact in someone else's life :) People helping people!!

Try it out, next time you meet someone, or even next time you're with your current "friends", "coworkers", "boss" or "boyfriend", ask yourself..."Is this person lifting me up in any way or am I just sitting on a plateau with them?" (Certainly if they are constantly dragging you down, you are seeking a way OUT of the relationship...)

Also, be sure to ask yourself every once in a while, "Why should other people seek me out? Do I conciously lift up those around me?" It may just make you re-evaluate the way you are treating others...

I enjoy forging and maintaining relationships in this way...so far, so good :)