It's possible that the longest road trip I've taken was from Seattle, Washington to Chicago, Illinois. And I actually took that trip just a few months after traversing Patagonia. But. South American bus trips are far more interesting to write about... (ever driven through Nebraska? YUCK.)

My friends (Kim and Rose) and I flew down to Bariloche for a magical weekend of hiking in the mountains, biking around the lake, visiting volcanoes and eating criminal amounts of chocolate. When we were through we hopped a bus back to Buenos Aires.

We paid extra for the sleeper seats since we knew we'd be spending at least 26 consecutive hours on the bus. There was no such thing as a sleeper seat, however, so we just got ripped off and stuffed into the regular seats. Kim has a pathological fear of getting her luggage stolen so she was accompanied by her gigantic backpack.

During this bus trip several notable things occurred. First, I discovered that the movie "White Chicks" is fantastic. The bus driver played it once and I was literally begging him to play it again. If not fantastic, it was at least better than a Steven Seagal flick.

Next, after hour 11 on the bus, I discovered I was about to pee myself. Kim felt the same way. Upon seeing the disgusting state of the on-bus bathroom we decided it would probably be best (?) to both go in at the same time so we could cradle each other and avoid touching anything inside the bathroom. Somehow we were able to pull it off and did not get bus AIDS.

Although Rose and I got along swimmingly until this point, there came a time I did have to raise my voice at her. It was the middle of the night and she couldn't sleep and it was hot and she kept talking to me and poking me or gripping me arm every time she made a point. I looked at her and said "I need you to stop touching me for at least five minutes." It was the first time she saw rage on my face and she did keep her hands to herself and silent for the requested five minutes.

After the Rose poking incident, this fucking lady sat on top of me. I am serious. Some Argentine woman was getting ready for her stop and decided to wait right by my seat. She started off by placing her hindquarters, her ass, on my arm rest. Then she decided to essentially slide onto my lap. I was so tired and we'd been on the damn bus for so long and I couldn't breathe because a grown woman was sitting on me so I lost it. I started laughing hysterically and yelling "you're sitting on me! Are you serious, you're really sitting on top of me?!" She smiled at me and kept sitting there.