- This is in answer to:
- Think about one thing in the back of your mind that’s bothering you. Now, write it a letter. See all answers
- December 14, 2012 by Shattered
- A letter to the voice at the back of my head
Um, Plinky, you forgot the T in your prompt. I hope you know that ^_^ But anyway, there's lots of things in the back of my mind that bother me. There's that little voice that says I'm not good enough, not skinny enough, etc. I try to tune it out as best as I can but sometimes it still gets me. Like recently, for instance, it's been on my about my weight.
I'll have you know I'm actually a very skinny person. I'm around 5'8', so being tall kind of helps stretch out the weight even more. People tell me I look great, but I usually end up doubting them. I mean, I can see some of my ribs, and my pelvis sticks out since I'm so thin. It's kind of horrifying at first, but then you get used to it. I tried to gain weight once, to see if I could look any better, but my body just doesn't seem to keep food the same way that others do. And when it does manage to, that voice is always in the back of my head, going "what are you doing? you don't want to get fat do you? stop eating so much!" It's really a struggle some days, but others I feel completely fine. Just writing about eating right now is making me feel sick though, so I guess this isn't one of those 'good' days. I have no clue what I would say to that voice if I wrote a letter. It would probably be something like this:
Dear voice in the back of my head,
Why do you have to be so negative all the time? Why can't you just accept that I'm fine the way I am? I don't need to lose anymore weight; if anything, i should be gaining it! So why are you always telling me it's not enough? I'm not enough. I look great to the rest of the world, so why can't you see what they see? Don't you think you're going to eventually push me too far one day? I hate this, and I hate you. I wish you would go away so I could live a normal life, but then I also don't know what I would do without you around. Would I just end up getting bigger like my sister? I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a voice like you, but she seems happy. I want that happiness, but at the same time I'm not willing to do what I need to do to get it. Why are you doing this to me?!? Can't you just make up your mind about me and GET OUT already????
a very confused Faith, who probably won't be eating for a while because the thought of food now makes her sick :/