Why would I have a featured biography in SI?

Don't get me wrong, I am in decent physical shape. I do my semi-daily
pushups, occasional chinups, and daily crunches. I eat well (yes, aside from ice cream)I enjoy playing a pick-up game of football and I love most activities, but most frequently walks.

Still, I am no athlete. Perhaps, I thought, they could do a segment on
the average man's sporting ability! How dull would that be? No, if I made it into SI, here's what you would read:

Bio: In the third period of the Stanley Cup finals, Henrik Zetterberg's slapshot lifted itself into the stands, ricocheted off a dove that had been released in the dome, and struck one David Everson from Lakeland, Florida in the temple. Everson was rushed to Tampa General. According to a hospital spokesperson, he was dead on arrival.

David Everson had been a Detroit Red Wings fan since growing up in Michigan from the ages of 4 to 10. "Awesome!" he told his friends when he found out that they would be playing a game 7 in Tampa. Friends described Everson as "kinda out of it" and "goofy." A friend and colleague at the high school where he taught told SI, "He always seemed like he'd die by a stray puck."

Tragically, the dove suffered permanent brain damage.