*Names changed to protect the guilty.

I was pretty happy with the timing of events thus far in my life, when I found myself sitting on my grandmother's fancy, uncomfortable couch staring at the collection of magazines on her coffee table. One publication in particular bore a fresh-faced tween and screamed the headline "14 and Never Been Kissed!".

OMG! I was at least 14 1/2! How had I freaking missed this major milestone?

I instantly became obsessed with the fact that I was the LAST person on this Earth who had not been kissed.

I remember sitting in math class and blatantly staring at Tina* (years later we named her Tina Put-out for obvious reasons). SHE had been kissed. Oh yeah. Tina even had a boyfriend. I would look at her and wonder what it felt like to be kissed. Was it exciting? Did she think about it ALL the time? Did it make her hair shinier?

How grown up I'd be if only I could have MY first kiss!

Flash forward a few months and I found myself in a group of my very best girlfriends all huddled in the concrete floor and shiny foil walls that was my friend's unfinished basement. There were these tiny half windows up close to the ceiling and Sebastian O'Connor*, the cutest boy in school (yes, as dreamy as Joey McIntyre) was currently squeezing himself through one of them. We soon found ourselves in an equal match of boy vs girl with no idea what to do with ourselves.

We agreed to play some variation of '7 minutes...' (not to be confused with 7 minutes in Heaven, because, folks, heaven this was NOT). Even at the tender age of 15, I knew this smacked of ultimate cheesiness. But hey, I was smart enough to recognize an opportunity when it slid through the window.

We played our game and I was paired up with a boy. The sad thing is, there were two boys I really liked in that group. And later I learned the feelings were mutual. But a dose of teenage angst the size of a gigantic pimple kept me from admitting such a thing. And quite frankly, ANY boy in that room would do.

So I approached my rightful prize like I had all the experience of Pamela Andersen and kind of attacked the guy! Lucky for me, this probably wasn't his first time, so he quickly took over.

There was a moment of soft, sloppy wetness. I think my nose was involved. Then it ended with less aplomb then it started, and I went back to my seat with the faint taste of Doritos in my mouth.

I'd been KISSED! How did I feel?

Eh, no big deal.