This would be my version of 'Bandits'

Chocolate Brownie.
"Now look here Officer Dickwad, if i'm gonna think clearly in this situation, and if you don't want blood on your police pension, then you better get me some warm chocolate brownie, stat!"

Vanilla Ice Cream.
"Either you must be stupid Officer Dickwad, or we ain't in a hostage situation at a downtown bank. When I said 'warm chocolate brownie', the 'warm' of that sentence implied 'stick a little ball of vanilla on the top or i'm gonna shoot someone."

My own movie deal.
"Now look Officer Dickwad, this has been going pretty well so far - we're in a pretty realistic mock hostage situation. How about you get on your phone, make some calls, and let's cut this into a movie? Do it and i'll let them all go."