Let's pretend I was suddenly famous for being good at reading and people paid cash money to watch me flip through Vanity Fair for 2 hours, with running commentary on the ads and celebrity photos.

Fruit Snacks
I just really like these. Mostly just the lemon ones, and the orange ones make me want to puke so I would make a minion pick them out. Unless they had a Costco membership and could get JUST the lemon ones wholesale, I mean, you know, in an ideal world. Also in an ideal world there would be pickles.

Kashi Go Lean Crunch
Girlfriend needs regularity.

Make-up professional
I am INEPT when it comes to putting on eyeliner. Y'all want me to look good, right?

A posse
Because what could make me look cooler? I suppose the answer to that is, well, anything. I wear a blazer, a collared shirt and jeans every day. If I had my own group of rough ridin' tough guys with chains and diamond-studded teeth, people would probably holla RESPECK at me and I'd ever so subtly incline my chin in an acknowledging way, and they would whisper "Now, I wonder what her secret to success is?" And I would wink, and respond cheekily "Hooked on Phonics worked for me."