- This is in answer to:
- If you were a famous rapper, who would be in your posse? See all answers
- January 23, 2009 by joshacagan
- My Posse Up in Your Area
A posse does many of things (finds the pot, procures the pot, laughs at your jokes when you smoke the pot, etc), but mostly they say to the world, "This one guy is so famous, he can pay these people to hang out with him." These are those people.
There are big, imposing guys, and then there are smart, funny guys. It's rare that the twain meets with those two personae, but Veen makes it work. A good posse needs a couple of dudes who look like they can "F" up some serious "S," and Veen fits that bill nicely. But, at the same time, he can hold up his end of a conversation, possibly while administering a beatdown. I think it would go like this: VEEN: "You know, because bicycling, Animal Collective, and SQL, right?" ME: "Good point, Jeff." GUY GETTING BEATDOWN: "OW! MY FACE! THIS GIANT IS EATING MY FACE WITH HIS FISTS!" Proper.
Arrested Development was, to the best of my knowledge, the first crew to include a wise old guy in their posse. His name was Baba Oje, and he sat in a rocking chair. I liked it in a 1.0 kind of way, but I wanted him to do a little more than just sit in a rocking chair. Rickles would bring the same gravitas and elderly wisdom to my posse that Oje did, but he would also verbally smack-down suckers and hockey-puckers without a second thought.
Dita Von Teese
Since Sha Rock blazed the trail with the Funky 4 Plus 1 back in the day, any posse worth their salt has one totally down-ass chick. Lil' Kim took that paradigm, and added a fair amount of va-va-voom to it as well. Miss Von Teese has nothing but va-va-voom to spare, but also possesses a certain amount of old-school classiness that the pneumatically enhanced Lil' Kim, uh, lacks. Also, her years of canoodling with Marilyn Manson means she's used to dealing with untalented musicians, so we'd get on great.
Straight up. He's a gangster. He's under house arrest like TI. And he can cook the "M" and "F"-ing books. As long as he keeps me at the top of the pyramid, he can roll with me 3 to the 65, nah mean?
He's a fine hype man, and an okay rapper. He rolled with B.I.G., which makes him awesome by proxy. Also, I suspect he could use the work. That's why I'm wonderful.
You just don't see a lot of talking dogs in hip-hop. Let alone talking dogs with drinking problems and literary aspirations. I also think we could start some kind of beef with MC Skat Kat's posse, and finally take him down once and for all.
Finally, every posse needs the one crazy guy. ODB, Flavor Flav, Bushwick Bill, Joaquin Phoenix, etc. The crazy guy injects a sense of anarchy and danger into your crew, and lands you mad press every time they do something bananas. Who better to be my posse's crazy guy then, than America's craziest guy? Now of course, we couldn't let Charlie out of prison, but when we did our shows, we'd just have a live link to his cell, where he would pace, glower, and explain why Jay Sebring wasn't really all that good of a hair stylist anyway. Manson knows his way around a hook as well. "Look at Your Game Girl" is the JAM. Peace.