• April 11, 2009 by jess
    •  
    • Baffle them with Blondness

    • “Whenever people hear my Southern accent, they always want to deduct 100 IQ points.” ~ Jeff Foxworthy

      Most people dislike me at first blush. (Apparently I come off as a snob. I’m actually really nice, really!) When I sense this standoff reaction, I immediately kick-up my accent.

      Having duel citizenship to the states of Ohio and Kentucky has its advantages. I maintain that non-desrcript Cincinnati accent at most times, but it’s extremely useful to tap into my inner Kentucky redneck on occasion.

      I first discovered this while in college. My debate team coach was determined to remove the ‘git’ from my ‘get’. The exercise he gave me was to spend an entire day over-dramatizing my southern accent.

      Later in the day, I found blue lights flickering in my review mirror. I was already scraping pennies out of the couch to buy Ramen noodles and Nachos Bell Grande, so I could NOT afford a ticket. Or, obviously, to pay the registration on my car that was 3-months past-due.

      So, I put on my most gracious smile, aimed it at the policeman, and with my best KY accent, expressed general confusion at his insistence that my license was expired. I mean, I had the license right here in my hand! And it most certainly stated I had three years until I needed to renew it.

      Dead silence.

      For 30 minutes this nice man tried explaining to me the difference between a driver’s license and a license plate. To no avail.

      He finally started laughing so hard he had tiny tears in the corner of his eyes. He let me go (with specific hand-written instructions for renewing my license PLATE).

      And a monster was born.

      Now, whether getting caught speeding through no-wake zones on a jet-ski, pleading with the airline counter to find my lost luggage, or sucking-up for for better service, I pull out my tooth-decay causing accent to soften my Northern edge.

      Yes, I know these people perceive themselves to be smarter than me and thus need to take me under their wing. And that *should* be insulting. So be it. Let them think what they want, because just like Mr. Foxworthy, I’ll laugh all the way to the bank.

       
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  • Comments

    secrethousewife said:
    Brilliant! Ihave had the same sort of experience, being blonde. Its incredible how gullible some people(men)can be.
    posted 11 months ago
    MadMunkey said:
    They don't let Munkey's Drive.
    posted 11 months ago
    StratPlayer said:
    I call this my "Gomer". When I'm in a meeting and it's clear that I'm being out flanked and out numbered by the intellectuals and import engineer types, I break out "Gomer". Gomer’s a slow talkin no BS guy full of Will Rogers and Rodney Daingerfield. 92% effective.
    posted 11 months ago
    jess said:
    True, the approach works with men...but is really effective with women too. But not gay men. Nu-uh. They just give me a look like 'don't you even THINK of playing that with me, princess'. ;-)
    posted 11 months ago
    colorfuljacksons said:
    OMG!!!! You ARE a lawyer!!!
    posted 11 months ago
    briarcat said:
    Later, you can become befuddled and sweetly polite. Works for me.
    posted 11 months ago
    clarissabrown said:
    LMAO! This is priceless!
    posted 11 months ago
    mizpens said:
    Ha ha ha! Hey, whatever works! Great story. :-)
    posted 11 months ago
    scarlettequille said:
    This is great!!! I can relate 100%!!
    posted 11 months ago
    IntegratedMan said:
    I think I just learned something... But I don't know whether I should be on my toes, cautiously looking for the blond-effect or just stay mellow at take it as it comes... Hmmm
    posted 11 months ago
    thekaitlin said:
    You are SO right - women and men alike but gay men - no way! I'm a fabulous klutz, so I really think that helps with how convincing I can be when playing the blonde card.
    posted 10 months ago
    JEdward said:
    I learned a lot about how to navigate the world through this woman and have co-opted many of her techniques.
    posted 9 months ago

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