Any fool knows that if he wants to be taken seriously, fancy clothing like a suit sends that message. What fewer people know is that a handsome handlebar mustache, as pictured, sends the message even louder and clearer.

Why? Well, for one, people will often ask a handlebar-wearer, "Are you serious?" which actually gives the opportunity to say, "Yes. Yes I am."

Secondly, it's like there's a party on your upper lip and down the sides of your mouth, but you had the good sense not to include your chin and jaw, who are known troublemakers. This is a tasteful party.

Finally, anyone with the dedication to properly groom a handlebar day in and day out must be trustworthy and dedicated. I know I certainly am.