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  • List your rules for maintaining a healthy relationship. See all answers
    • First rule of relationships: It shouldn't be difficult.
    • I'm by no means old. I've by no means had a lot of relationships...but I have had my heart broken. I have tried with everything I have to make a relationship work....and later realised it wasn't meant to be because something quite fundamental and important wasn't quite right.


      Laughter keeps things light.
      If you can't have a laugh together, then getting through the hard times is going to be tough.
      More often than not, I have a strop. Stropping is something I'm very good at...but it's hard to frown when someone is having a giggle at you, or trying to make you laugh.


      All things should be equal.
      No, I don't mean giving your man a chance to do the washing up....or letting your girl go out and be the money maker... I mean finding someone who loves you just as much as you love them.
      Believe me, I've tried one sided relationships and all it leads to is dissapointment, resentment and guilt. It will never be a happy relationship when one of you is striving to make things work and the other is too busy doing their own thing to notice.


      Never go to sleep on an argument.
      Always always make up before you go to sleep.
      There's no point dragging something on, going to bed mad and unhappy. Just sort things out and that way, you can start afresh in the morning.


      It's not always you, it might be them.
      When relationships go bandy, you always tend to think that it's something you have done wrong. You could have tried harder, you should have changed... but you know, sometimes it's nothing you have done. Sometimes the other person's heart just isn't in it...and that's when you know it's time to move on.
      (Not really a relationship rule I know, more of a warning!)


      Never change or try to change them.
      Someone who loves you, loves you for who you are, no matter what. If they love you, they wouldn't want to change you...and you shouldn't want to change them.
      Trying to change someone or feeling like you have to change for them breeds resentment and to be quite honest will leave you feeling insecure, inadequate and hopeless.
      Find someone who loves you just the way you are.


      Talk about it.
      If you don't vocalise how you are feeling, how do you expect the other person to know? Can they read minds? Do you emit secret sonar? I think not...
      Yes, I know it's scary to talk about some things but if you don't then it's just going to go round and round in your head. It will career along gathering nasty little thoughts until a tiny bit of doubt or worry becomes a huge, unserpassable problem.
      If you don't communicate, you can't expect them to understand.


      Live by your own rules.
      Come on, you really don't need me to tell you all this stuff. It's all things you already know, deep down. It's all common sense.
      Who are you trying to convince that everything is ok?
      Everyone has their own rules. Everyone has their own deal breakers. You are the only one who can get up and walk away if things aren't right.
      Ask yourself the question "If this was all that life had to offer, if THIS was it…. would I be ok with that?" and answer honestly...if the answer is no..then you have some thinking to do.


       
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