Have you ever seen a lovebug? It is a species of fly (order Diptera). It spends its entire post-larvae life copulating! When you see a lovebug, they are always attached to their mates. So when they fly around, when they land on you, and when they plaster your car windshield, they do it while engaged in sweet romantic relations. It is also called the kissybug or honeymoon fly for this reason.

True, the lovebug is the perpetual victim of traffic. There are many a carwash that can only survive due to the damage the decomposing fly's body does to a vehicular paint job. They don't bite or sting, but their acidic bodies (which also give them few natural predators) scar the paint and are a struggle to remove after a few hours. Their power, though, lies in their numbers! Early May and early September in Florida bring forth a surge of lovebugs. They cover the land like a black blizzard. It is only their undeserved mercy that stops them from blotting out the sun and killing all life on Earth.

Their mercy, I hypothesize, is linked to their perpetual copulation. I have seen, on occasion, the rare bachelor lovebugs. They seek out their wingmen and, rage displacing desire, they flutter together in the sky with the clear intent of destroying the world. Tragically, a few tiny insects could never so much as dent the sun's light. Without their frisky brethren, they are doomed to only the futile gesture.

Still, we remain at the whim of this species, which could, if distracted en masse from their erotic enterprise, destroy all other life on the planet. Besides potentially perishing under their wings, perhaps we might also be taken under their wing. Lovebugs offer a simple lesson to people: next time you find someone to jump into bed with, don't get out. Stay under the blankets until the landlord (bachelor) comes with the cops (bachelors) to knock down your door and throw the two of you into the street. Then find a comfortable spot on a park bench or sidewalk. If we all did this, then rules, behaviors, and attitudes toward sex will have to change. Work will stop at first, but will eventually resume when people realize the virtue of this way of life. We will begin going to work while copulating, doing our jobs while copulating, and going out to eat while copulating.

Not sure if it will work. And in the end we still have to recognize the lovebug as our master. Then clean all those masters off our front bumper with Lovebug-B-Gone Car Cleaner.