So you see, honey, I was at this pub in town when I saw Robert Pattinson there, and you know it was just the strangest thing because when I went over to him to get his autograph my tights shifted and my knees went wonky and I couldn't walk right and the next thing I knew I slipped, tripped and fell straight into Robert's arms. I must have hit my head or fainted when I fell because the next thing I knew I was in his bed and he was giving me mouth to mouth resuscitation and it was very hot in the room so he had to take all my clothes off so I wouldn't get heat stroke. He even ordered up a bucket of ice with some champagne to help cool me off and fed me strawberries and whipped cream to help bring me around and give me strength. Wasn't that so nice of him? Only I'm not sure it worked because my memory is quite hazy after that. In fact I think I went delirious at some point because I began having these wild hallucinations about being chained to the bed and this beautiful vampire seducing me and having his way with me. And they were pretty vivid hallucinations because it all just seemed so real. Eventually I came around and when I did I was in this lovely big jacuzzi bathtub and Robert was giving me a nice neck and shoulder rub and being very soothing and telling me how lovely I was. It was so sweet of him to go to such measures to put out for...er, to take care of me. He even said he'd ring me again just to make sure I'm ok, so I gave him my phone number. He was so concerned about me and took SUCH good care of me. I'm much much better now and I know how it all looks but I assure you it was COMPLETELY innocent.