Oh! Do I ever!

How do I craft an explanation that will appease everybody to whom I owe one?

The caffeine makes me jumpy.
I haven't had my coffee yet.
My chemicals are imbalanced.

I missed breakfast.
I didn't get enough sleep.
My heart hasn't healed.
My heart has healed and my brain is protecting it.

Life is meaningless (I must quote Li-young Lee every chance I get:
"If I feel the night
move to disclosures or crescendos,
it is only because I'm famished
for meaning; the night
merely dissolves.").

The night dissolved.
I am famished.

I am in transition.

I am in need; I am in pain. Pardon the redundancy.
I have not learned to celebrate my need; nor do I toast my pain.

I have a headache.

Endings disappoint me.
But if I lower my expectations I never begin.
In books as in love.

Being and begin are anagrams. I just realized this when I made a typo (since corrected) a few lines ago. Maybe now everything will change.

I am addicted to beginnings.

My car broke down and needed $2300 worth of repairs.
Coffee spilled on my macbook and I needed a new $2000 macbook pro.
My motorcycle sat too long (from the previous owner) and couldn't run in the cold. It needed its carburetors cleaned and other work totaling nearly $700.

I am only earning a high school teacher's salary.

I am a depressive.
I don't take medication.
I took medication for a month last Fall.

I'm only human.

(All this with sad, puppy dog eyes.)