It's been said that people who take offence are often only offended on someone else's behalf. Luckily, I'm not one of those people. Other people's issues are none of my business, and there are very few things that actually irk me. Right now, I can only think of five.

hypocrisy
People that would have you do as they say, not as they do. People that can dish it out but can't take it. I cannot stand them. For instance, there's the supervisor at Old Trafford the other day who would bark out orders but sat around gossiping when the going got tough. There's the ex-housemate who didn't do a lick of work all summer, expecting her boyfriend pay her rent, yet went nuts at me when I owed her money. Hypocrites make my blood boil.

jokes about abortion
I can see how shows like 'Family Guy' or 'South Park' would offend some folks. 99 percent of the time, they don't bother me one bit, and I laugh at anything they throw at me. But when Cartman used aborted foetuses to create his own Shakey's pizza, and when Peter's mother went to Mexico to have her baby beaten out of her with baseball bats, I didn't laugh. That shit is not cool.

bigotry
The world we live in, as it is right now, has no place for intolerance and narrow-mindedness. All the wars going on in this world right now are because too many people believe in absolutes; their worldview is completely true and correct, and any differing perspective is heresy. It's better to be open, flexible and adaptive to other ideas and possibilities.

being patronised
Look, I don't mean to brag, but I've got an IQ of 156. I know enough to know that, in the grand scheme of things, I know diddly-squat. But don't talk down to me. I'm not stupid, and I don't appreciate being treated as though I am. The main offender is the media at large, reality television and advertising companies in particular. They do this on a daily basis, in a way that's subtle yet at the same time bludgeons you over the head.

car-crash celebrities
Britney Spears. Michael Jackson. Amy Winehouse. Kerry Katona. Pete Doherty. They're human beings with real problems that need to be played out in private. They don't exist to be bear-baited by the media. Why would anyone think we, the public, want to see their personal disasters in such gory detail? It makes me angry that these stories are force-fed to us alongside news of war and disaster, as if they're of equal importance. I guess this relates to my point about being patronised.