I was a good kid. Seriously. I never had a detention, got suspended or a Saturday school or even a paper pick-up. (Paper pick-ups were a demeaning punishment in Junior High where you had to spend your lunch break picking up trash in a designated area of the school. I don't know what was worse, knowing that everyone knew you were bad, or touching the trash). So I made sure to never do anything that would warrant that kind of punishment. Teachers freaking loved me.

But in the second grade, no amount of explaining was going to get me out of this one.

Let me first preface this story with the following:

I DID NOT THROW THE COOKIE!

I swear on my family's life, I did not throw the cookie. The following is the God's honest truth.

My friend tried to give me her cookie in a plastic baggie (the baggie is a key part of the story later.) I did not want the cookie. Why? I have no idea. In retrospect I should have just taken the damn thing. I gave the baggie back to her and said, "I don't want it." She gave it back to me, "yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

You see where this is going? So now it had turned into a game, back and forth, back and forth. Finally, I snapped the baggie back at her and said, "I don't want it!!" It was not a hard snap. I don't think I would even say I "threw" the cookie from my lunch box to hers. Now, I don't know if it was the fling of my wrist or the force of the cookie hitting the side of her lunch box that sent the cookie flying 3 tables behind me to then land in someone's mashed potatoes.

I was completely dumbfounded. I was now holding an empty plastic bag. It was then that the evil lunch lady came barreling down the isle and told me to get my things because I was going to the office. I tried to explain, "But I didn't throw the cookie! I don't know what happened."

"Oh yes you did! I saw you!!"

Liar!!! What could she have seen?? I didn't do it! I was crying and trying to explain myself but she would not hear any of it. I remember saying that I was really sorry but I did not throw it! The office was shocked to see me in there. She told me that I would need to eat my lunch in the office for one week. This was a new thing the principal (who was also a terror) was trying to cut down on food fights during lunch. I asked to see my mom, who was a yard duty a couple times a week at my school.

"I'm can't get your mom!" she yelled at me.

When I told her that my mom was the yard duty she said, "Your mom is Allison Andersen? I am so ashamed of you."

Bitch.

My mom came and I told her what happened. She was not happy at all about what lunch lady said to me. My mom believed me that I did not throw the cookie and said that the reality was that some people, this lady included, are just mean and like to exert there power over the weak. But, the reality was, I was probably just going to have to eat lunch in the office.

But my mom got her revenge. Every single kid that she saw through anything thing from an entire roast chicken to a cheeto was sent to the office. I think she took about 25 kids into the office the next day for the food throwing offense.

My mom rocks.