Listen...Jesus...It's been 2,000 years now. You'd think over that amount of time You'd be more trusting of us but You're just as controlling as You've always been. I mean for the love of Your pappy You're still trying to tell us who we can sex up!

It's time you did something about your control issues. At first it was kind of cute. It seemed like you cared. But its getting kinda creepy. "Thou shalt have no other gods before me?" Isn't envy supposed to be bad?

We still love you Jesus. We're just not in love with you. Maybe if you gave us some time and space...no, not that kind of time and space...we'd feel differently. You can start by letting us doink before we're married. I mean that rule has ruined more marriages than butt sex and spousal abuse combined. There is nothing worse than committing yourself to someone for life and then that night finding out they fuck like an epileptic pig watching Japanese anime.

Just try and loosen up. Okay big guy? We don't want to lose you for good, but if it comes to it, we will leave. We have our happiness to think about too. Now, don't freak out but we have to go. Buddha is waiting for us outside. He scored some sweet coke and some Skindred tickets.