Oh, hey, girlfriend. Great to see you.

Come on in. You remember Kayla, right? Kayla, you remember Lindsay? My "Second favorite redhead?"

Well, third after the wife here and Ann-Margret, or course. Sorry, Linds.

Yeah, I hear she's great. Saw her in Vegas, you know. She's still got it.

Now, what can we get you? Just made some cold coffee concentrate, got the recipe off of Lifehacker, you ever check out- Yeah, they're owned by Gawker. Yeah, I guess I wouldn't either, now that you mention it. That's why I'm wonderful.

Yeah, that's just something I say. I agree. It's a little forced.

So...Sam, huh? Bummer. She seemed like...Well, she had a lot of...Well. You certainly liked her a lot. And that's what's important. Look on the bright side, at least you don't have to listen to her brother Mark's shitty marching-band versions of Coldplay songs.

There's a smile! Yeah, that album was awful.

Hey, can we offer you anything to eat? Hey. HEY! I'm not judging. I'm an Italian Jew. We think we can fix everything with pasta or soup. I'm just saying that if you felt like eating, we have some leftover turkey lasagna. Made it from Cook's Illustrated's, "The Best Light Recipe."

Yeah, it's low-fat ricotta cheese. You know how we do.

We'll pop a piece in the microwave, you'll smell it, you'll want some.

So this is what's on tap at Chez Cagan this afternoon. We were thinking of making some popcorn, and watching the "Real Housewives of NYC" marathon on Brav-

No, we're not into that here. We don't have any.

Anyway, we're just gonna veg out, and-

No, that's flour, Lindsay. You can try, but I think you'd just make paste in your nose. Maybe that's what the kids are into.

Look, can I throw my two cents in? Stick with pot. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be encouraging you chemically full-stop, but...IF you feel the need to alter yourself chemically, and who doesn't? It's way cheaper, and it makes everything on Bravo HYSTERICAL.

Like, I'm sure in real, unstoned life, Bethany is just kind of this weird, botoxed drudge with weird fake boobs, but the way they cut it, and the magic of THC, she's like a fucking Noel Coward character.

Pig out? Look, unlike yours truly, I think it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for you to pig- I'M NOT JUDGING. Jeez, would you just sit down, you're making me nervous. Why are you so jumpy?

Too much flour? Now that's funny! Sad, but funny.

You gotta take off, huh? You sure? Try a bite of the lasagna. Just a bite. Humor the Cagans.

Right? RIGHT? Christopher Kimball never steers you wrong.

We'll put a little in a Tupperware container for you. Nah, you can keep it. We have tons. They multiply asexually in our cabinet.

So, look, you gonna be okay? I know you get a lot of advice, but IMHO, as the kids say, go home, sit on the couch, eat this lasagna, hell, eat a whole lasagna, I'M NOT JUDGING, and watch "Real Housewives." And do that for, like, a month. Because where do you really have to be at this point?

Okay, besides the Ed Hardy sale. Nowhere. Nowhere else.

On the couch for a month. I can write that down, if you want.

Do you want the lasagna recipe? I'll e-mail it.

And, you know, lay off the flour.

Bye, hon. Take care. Best to Ali.