How on fire have I ever been... hmm.

Figuratively... 4 years of never going below the speed limit, 8 warnings, no tickets.. that was pretty on fire. Then i got bagged doing 76 in a 65... wtf.

Literally? When i was 7 and was a full time Cub Scout the family joined in on a Scout camping event. First day went amazing, lots of fishing, tent putting upping, smore eatering, dog roasting etc etc. The weekend had shaped up to be quite the event. Day 2 was working out to be about as great as the first. My buddy Rus had at this point introduced me to Wierd Al Yankovich, at that time in my life this was a very good thing. Thankfully that phase was short lived. I spent most of the second day glued to Rus' yellow Walkman Sport. Day 3.. Where day 1 and day 2 were fun and campings outdoorsy good times, day 3 gave me pain, blackouts and seared flesh. We started the morning out with they typical Scout type fireside breakfast. And typical to said Scouting fireside meals the goal was to keep the coals embering but minimal flames. This means that for most of the day the firepit was full of smoldering embers. RED HOT EMBERS.

Rus wanted his walkman back, and the Scout Masters wanted me to get off my duff so we started playing and singing the normal affair of songs and games. Having exhausted those we moved onto more original games.. like chase the ballon. This dreadful game would be my undoing. While everyone else was playing it and being completely aware of theyre surroundings, your ADD afflicted friend here was less controlled with his efforts. This is to say that instead of seeing the fire pit he was throwing himself at, he was more attentive to the bouncing floating balloon.. until it popped with the heat of the coals.. and then it was to late to stop.

Into the fire pit i went, left hand smacking the back of the bin, melting a healthy handprint into the metal, right arm landing on the rim, searing a heavy deep line into my bicep, and right leg hitting the back of the bin, giving me a map of africa in on my thigh just above my knee.

Here is blackout 1: I peeled myself off the bin, and from what i have been told took a good 2 laps around the campsite before being tackled.

I woke up in the arms of the Scout Master who tackled me as he rushed me to the ladies room (mens room showers were all full). They tossed me into the shower and hit the cold water.

Blackout 2: Ride in the ambulance and admitance in the hospital

Woke up this time under bright lights with my left hand in ice water and doctors poking my leg

Blackout 3: This one was chemically sustained so they could clean the wounds. With a wire bristle brush.

Not entirely sure when i woke up the last time, but i still have the scars to remind me that baloons are not to be fucked with.