I've taken my choices from the genius duo, Flight of the Conchords. They would never lead me down the wrong path. From the episode "The Tough Brets" on their most recent season. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrQ_okHgUas )

Johnny Boy
"Johnny Boy" is clearly not a boy but rather a 70 year old man. What he lacks in youth and strength of bladder, he makes up for in former group affiliations and catchy gang names.

Mr. and Mrs. Lee
A true double threat. These Asian internet cafe owners are all about protecting their turf whether it be with broom or quick open-palmed slaps.

Dave
Dave claims to be a former Navy SEAL. And he can make a weapon out of anything, ie. hose and watering can become a long distance striking implement of death.