Gruel
As stated in the description of this prompt, how the hell do you possibly impress the queen of domesticity. Instead, why not just give her something you know shes going to despise, so she'll be upset and cook for you instead.

"what is this, is this actually gruel, oh no dear I will not eat gruel. Where is your kitchen? Here is a shopping list, go buy these things, here is my MarthaStewart Amex. Buy everything on this list and get yourself a delicious treat for the ride home in my chauffeured limo. Then we will make a pie crust together after the meal so you can see how it is done while I talk about how I avoided gang-rape in the showers of my minimal security resort prison."

Run along.