The best years of your life are not ahead.

Sure college is fun, but that only lasts 4 years. 5 if your parents are loaded and are willing to finance your booze and fast food habits so long as that means you won't be loafing around their house for another year.

After that, you'll be primed and ready to enter one of the worst economies our nation has ever faced and you'll proceed to look for a job when there are none. Period.

You'll spend hours of your day combing through what appears to be hopeful listings on careerbuilder.com. Really, those are postings made up by a team of interns hired by careerbuilder themselves in order to raise the morale in an otherwise desolate situation. Are we having fun yet?

Assuming you do get a job eventually, you probably won't like it and won't make very much. Each day your eyes will glaze over just a tad more than the day before. Not only that, but you're paycheck will be just enough to cover rent, gas, food, gas, power, and renters insurance. Oh and with the extra $5 you have left over, you can splurge on a plethora of value menu items for any number of fast food retailers. Did I mention getting up at 6am everyday is a blast?

Who the hell is "FICA" you ask? Who knows. But I guarantee they'll wind up on your hit-list by the time you get your first meager paycheck.

Let's face it - the days when your biggest problem was that bitch in your geometry class putting gum in your hair are over. You've got serious issues now. Your metabolism is set to shut down any given moment and pretty soon you'll have contribute to pointless things like 401Ks and your CEO's baby pool.

It's not too late to become a stripper, run away to Prague, or join the family garbage disposal business.

Dream big class of 2009. Dream big.