I would have serveral different names:

Sir Sleepsalot
Lady Lazy
Captain Coffeetime
Reginald Reads
Earl Eatsthewholepantry AKA Puttheforkdown
Maid Moviewatcher
Ingrid the Internet Junkie
Pastor Procrastonater

I think thats about it, and yes I had to TRY and make them sound funny. I failed big time on that part. I should call myself Failed Comedian.