Beef Burger @ brgr - 287 7th Avenue

You might not be able to tell from looking at me, but I LOVE food. More specifically, I love unhealthy food. The more likely it is the kill me, the more delicious it is. So naturally, every fourth of July, I spit in death's face and taunt him with a mouth full of meat. ...no homo.

Luckily I have a friend, who while a complete dick, has a father who is a wonderful and generous man. Who can cook like a muh fucker. Every year he makes Hot dogs and cheese burgers and even sometimes orders party subs from Publix. But the best part is he does this in a quantity that can only be described as "Fuck you starving countries!"

So every year I throw caution to the wind and eat, and eat, and eat, and light some fireworks with a butane torch, and eat and eat and eat. I eat so much that I have chest pain for the next two weeks and live in constant fear of a heart attack. I eat so much that breathing makes me tired.

It's like a patriotic race to the death. What will kill me first? Copious amounts of beef... no homo... or a rogue mortar to the face.

Either way, I'm going out in a glorious explosion of meat.

...

No homo.