I suspect that a certain someone bribed Plinky to post this question right now, because I have a birthday coming up and a certain someone needs some ideas. I don't even know what I would want for my birthday. An extra 24 hours every day would be nice. Or a winning ticket in the Mega-Millions lottery. How about an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock.

Oh, oh, I know! Permission. That's what I want. Permission. And Forgiveness. Permission to be who I am and forgiveness for being who I am. I haven't seen either one in the catalogs or advertised on TV, though I admit I never watch the infomercial channels. I'm trying to imagine the late, great Billy Mays pitching Permission.

"This fabulous package of Personal Permission is twice as effective as the leading name brand, and it can be yours for just four payments of $39.99. And that's not all! If you call within the next twenty-four hours, you'll also receive our patented Forgiveness, guaranteed to work right out of the box. There's no set-up, no messy lotions or oils, no cords to get tangled. Here's what Jesus and Mary had to say after they ordered their own Personal Permission and Forgiveness. 'We had crossed into Arizona in February, and in March we each bought a Personal Permission and Forgiveness set. When the INS came aroun' in April, we showed them our Permission, and they let us alone. We both used some Forgiveness right after that, and, I tell you what, we felt terrific.'"

If only.