I wish I had been one of the Pitiful Shags, I don’t care which one. I have a lot of ideas for songs that could have really juiced their repertoire, and I’ve had some great suggestions for alternative names, like The Shagadelics or Shag Jam or Shagalicious or Bobby and the Shags. I know, I know, they named themselves after our hometown, Pitiful, WV, but who says all bands have to have their hometown in their name?

The thing is, the Pitiful Shags have had such an interesting life, on the road staying in nice hotels and playing everywhere from Beebe to Shockeysville. I mean, Beebe is practically in Ohio! I’ve never been that far. I can just picture the great places where they performed – they’d be up on a stage with lights on them and everything. They’d probably have electric outlets on the floor, instead of the tangle of extension cords we have at OK Joe’s here in Pitiful center, and they’d probably have a crowd that appreciated how great they really are.

If I were in the band, I’d keep everyone: Mickey, with that sleepy look in his eyes and his blond hair long in back makes a great lead singer. Sally and Sam and Billy-Joe are all great musicians. I’d probably have to learn the saxophone so I could add something that way.

We’d travel and sing and be great friends, and I’d see some more of the world than what we have here. And if Mickey went and hooked up with one of those groupies they probably have everywhere, maybe a blonde like Kate Hudson, you bet I’d be madder’n a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat, but we’d work it out in the end.

I should be in the band.