Liverpool Hope University is the biggest case of false advertising that British higher education has to offer. It should be known as Liverpool Destroy-All-Hope-And-Poop-On-Your-Dreams University. I can't get a single person there to acknowledge the wreckage they've turned my life into. One thinks perhaps they saw the word "pagan" on my application, and chose to make an example of me to any other heathens wishing to apply to "Europe's only ecumenical university".

Not only that, but they've lost my degree certificate, the bastards.