Pops was from Mexico City, Mom was from Bremen, Germany. They met and married in Chicago.

I was too young to remember. Allegedly, I was held by my German grandfather.

Frankly, the only thing that interests me about Germany is their manufacturing facilities. If I could drive a 7 Series off of a BMW manufacturing line, I wouldn't turn up my nose.

Now, I associate all my travel of my youth with a little creepy kid looking out with longing eyes for somebody to "rescue" him. I wanted to be seduced by some young beautiful girl, out of the blue, who would make my life interesting and normal.

No girl deserves to be paired with a self-absorbed lad, such as I used to be. Frankly, the world works pretty well. Men who require rescuing should be kept out of the gene pool.