I have tried many different kinds of antidepressants over the past year. Each drug came with a negative side effect that made functioning in normal, everyday life impossible. I was disappointed - I'll admit, I wanted a quick fix. I still do. I probably always will want the quick fix - I believe humans are programmed that way, or at least Americans have been conditioned that way.

Needless to say, my "quick fixes" didn't fix a thing and, I believe, actually made my depression worse. I was diagnosed several months ago with major depressive disorder and avoidant personality disorder. I participated in a study for the University of Pittsburgh that focused on women with certain symptoms, and I'll admit I only participated because I would be paid for my time. My finances have been a total nightmare and I needed (and still need) money. What I got out of the study, however, was a diagnosis that assured me that everything wasn't in my head. That was invaluable.

The diagnosis encouraged me to seek actual help. I made an appointment for an evaluation with Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic (part of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center), and they actually suggested another study in which I could participate. Basically the study is comparing the differences medication vs. cognitive therapy have on the brain, and they take MRI images of the brain before and after treatment. Since I had such misfortune with medications, they suggested the cognitive therapy.

I was disappointed, I'll admit. I wanted (again) a miracle drug that would change my brain and make everything better. But really, I was ready to try anything. When my therapist called me to schedule our first session, I was pretty nervous and anxious. I was worried that I wouldn't do well, because I don't generally talk about crap things that I feel. I thought that it would be too difficult, that it would take too long to explain everything to a therapist and why should I even bother?

I really liked my therapist upon our meeting. We talked about many things, and when we ended our session, he asked me what I thought of it. I said that I wished I had started therapy much sooner.

It's taught me so much in such a short period of time. It's changing the way I think about things, and the way I approach different situations. It's making me want to be a better person in all kinds of different ways. We've covering topics that I buried way down and didn't think about anymore because they were too painful. Now, I'm learning that ignoring things really doesn't help; in fact, it does the complete opposite. I'm getting tools that will help me deal with life, and that will help me not to relapse and become severely depressed again.


I'm incredibly thankful for cognitive therapy. It's changing my life.