There have been a zillion times in my life that I've thought, how did I get in this mess? Can someone please get me out? Is there somewhere I can hide and this will go away? Could I please be nine years old again and playing with baby goats in Greece? Oh. Damn. I guess this bidness is fo' real. That's some heavy shit.

For example, my mom always called me an "old soul" and treated me like way too much of a grown-up at a tenderoni young age. That made me feel like an adult sometimes. Or when I got my license, I felt like that was pretty adult of me. I got a job, moved out on my own, traveled sans parents and achieved all sorts of mini-milestones. But the moment I really felt that it all came together was when I threw my first house party.

I mean, I cleaned my entire apartment *before* people came over. I knew we was about to do keg stands, accidentally break glasses, spill everything everywhere and have dance parties in the kitchen. I knew at least 30 butts would be touching my toilet and I still Cloroxed the hell out of it at the beginning of the night. Scented candles, appetizer spread, Ketel One and a clean house. I've never felt more adult in my life.