My mother died of cancer at age 67 and I started a nonprofit with my husband within one year.Of course, I miss my Mom, but life is calmer than before. I doubt that I would have had this opportunity had she not passed. I spent my life for others, and with our nonprofit, I still spend my life for others, but differently.

My new life has left me confused. I felt empty without my Mom, but I know that one must move on in life and live it. My faith in God has moved me to start this nonprofit to help women, children and disabled living in sub-poverty. It is a work in progress, and so is my personal growth.

I still mourn the loss of my entire family. I am the last one left to carry on our traditions and ideals. It is lonely for me at holidays, because I remember my family and miss their being there, no matter how bad some of these holidays were.

I have always been a dedicated person to whatever I did. That is true of the nonprofit. I work hard, spend a lot of time trying to make this get off the ground, and there is a sense of satisfaction in that. However, there is a sense of emptiness, too. I share this with my husband, of course, but its not the same, or so it seems.

You see, at the end, it was just my Mom and me. Then I met my husband, but she and I were still best friends and had our own 'games' and language that isn't possible with my husband. She and I would laugh and make up wild stories just to laugh. We were really evil companions to one another.

Her death came as a real shock to me, since even she didn't know she had terminal cancer. She just thought she had the flu, then 1 1/2 months later she died. I don't dwell on this, its not a good thing to do, but her Birthday would be this July 7th. Both of my parents had Birthdays in July, and their Anniversary, too! Boy were we broke!

Its been a few years since she passed, and I know she is in a much better place with all the rest of them, but the sadness of their all being gone to me really gets to me. I replace all of that with a reason to care. I have more than enough to give for the people we are working to help. I have a deep desire to be needed again. That is who I am.

This is quite a question to ask, but a really hard one to answer, without tears that is. I have joy in my heart that I am working toward bettering other people's lives that really need it. So, I guess the new beginning is a better thing, but I still miss the old. After all, it is better to give than receive!