If I were a superhero, I would be called Queen Larbs of Strumpet Valley. My metabolism would be faster than a cheetah so I could drink as much beer and eat as much jalapeño pizza and salt and vinegar potato chips as I wanted. My skin would always be free of zits and glowing. I would have the ability to think of an outfit and then make it appear out of thin air, kind of like that godmother in Cinderella. I would always smell great and I'd have some sort of top secret elixir that would make my hair not greasy if I didn't have time to shower. Also, I'd have the ability to learn languages in five minutes flat.

I'm not sure what this would achieve for the rest of humankind but I'd be a smokin' hot multilingual babe.