For the past few months, my internet has been cutting out periodically. But after some griping and moaning and some time later, it comes back.

This weekend took the cake. The phones went on the fritz also.

I hesitate to call Verizon. First, the entire phone call is automated. "Please enter your phone number starting with the area code. If you don't have one, just say 'I don't have one'. Gone are the days of "Verizon, can I help you?" as soon as you dial the number.

And I don't get someone here in the good ol' USA. Try Bombay India.

After about 5 minutes of talking to the automated computer with a smokers voice, it concludes that it can't help me. Yes, it has admitted there is a problem with the line and it will connect me with an associate. No, not a CSR, an "associate". No one wants to be a CSR. Just like no one wants to be called an "Airline Stewardess". They are all now called "Flight Attendants".

Back to my Verizon ordeal......I hang up before an "associate" connects. Why? Because I know I'm going to get someone in India. Mind you, there is a language barrier and I've told them that before. Plus, how can they possibly help me? They're reading off a computer screen on what to say. They punch in some keywords about my problem and the computer displays some probable solutions.

Since the internet doesn't seem to be coming back online any time soon, I reluctantly dial the number again. And go through the gambit of stupid computer commands. I swear they do this to detour you from calling. I love when it says "You can answer many of your questions at our website on Verizon.com". Like, if I could get online, I WOULDN'T BE TALKING TO A COMPUTER ON THE PHONE!

After concluding AGAIN that there is a problem, I wait this time for an "associate" from India. And sure enough, I'm connected to Bollywood.

You know they're reading off cue cards. Car salesmen act more sincere when they talk to you. Ms. Gupta asks some questions and then tells me the problem is with my phone.

Umm, no, I tell her, my phone is fine. She insists again that the problem is with my phone. Um, no I tell her once more. The problem is with my PHONE LINE! There is a difference between my phone and the phone line. DUH. She says in her Indian accent "Oh, I am sorry, my mouth slipped and I did mean to say phone line." I almost cracked up. But I was too annoyed. What I really wanted to say was that she had NO idea what she was talking about and maybe she should stick to answering questions from her fellow people.

Meanwhile, the internet is still down and my husband and my kid are getting antsy. Pacing, grumbling...it was like they were all having nicotine withdrawal. And none of us smoke.

Ms. Gupta connects me to the main office which is where I started to begin with!!! Some really lousy music which fades in and out is playing....what ever happen to the MUZAC systems of the 80's? Then a deep voice answers.....in ENGLISH. "Thank you for calling Verizon, this is Joe how may I help you". So, again, I go through the entire schpeal.

He proceeds to tell me they can have someone out there Wednesday.

"Um.....I DON'T THINK SO" I yelled. "WEDNESDAY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

Associate: Well, I might be able to get someone out there Monday.

Me: MONDAY? No! I have an online business I need to check everyday and a son that just had a hell of a car accident where I need to get on line. OMG, I'm going to have to find a new carrier, Verizon is driving me crazy.

Associate: OH! I can put this in as a medical emergency and have it fixed between 9 and 5 tomorrow (that being Sunday).

Sure enough, Sunday a gentleman came and put things right. And it was a bad wire. Life was good again. Blood pressure returned to normal.

Now my bedroom has no phone hookup. Guess who I have to call.

So to answer the prompt.....what do you think?