• Bats0711
      • hello
      • Username: Bats0711
      • In response to: "Who are you?" Hi, my name is Bats and I am a bipolarized, alcoholic.
  • Bats0711's latest answers
    • Boo-ya Friday!

      • Ahhhhh Friday. Most people favor this day. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. For me it's the busiest day for work and I know that since the weekend is here that I have to pace and figure out how to spend my time. Most weekends that's easy and alcohol doesn't bring a thought to mind but when I'm like this...in the midst of being either manic or low, obviously haven't figured out which one yet...rapid cycling, being the ping pong ball instead of the paddle...then I have issues with figuring out the weekend, figuring out what is healthy, figuring out the even balance between having addictive traits to something or just going with the flow and enjoying myself.
        Well this Friday I say Boo-ya! and I'm going to not stress because I KNOW that I'm going to NOT drink. That's what it all boils down to that I'm scared shitless that I'm going to screw this whole sobriety/happiness thing up.

      • answered by Bats0711 on 02/03/2012
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    • It's Friday & My Hometown Suggest Comfort and Safety

      • I grew up around Washington DC. The one big thing I remember about it is the feeling of comfort, safety, and awe. I know, I know, Washington DC and safety just don't seem like they mix but I can tell you that when I was little some *cough cough* 30 years ago, I felt safe, I knew that my neighbors were looking out for me. I knew that if I had an emergency, someone was there to help. I felt FREE.

        When I was around the age of 2, my Grandmother babysat me while my Dad worked; lets just say that her babysitting was basically her getting stumbling around drunk while I amused myself. One day I decided I wasn't going to just play inside, I wanted out and to walk around, jump, skip, cross the street. I ended up down the road at a neighbors house so I could play with their dogs, cats and snakes. They knew my situation, let me play, fed me and when my Dad returned home brought me back; safely. They looked out for me, looked out for my Dad, and for that I know my Dad has always been eternally grateful; as am I.

        Where I live now even in my 30's; I don't feel safe, I don't trust any of my neighbors and know that everyone around me is looking out for themselves not for others. I miss the comfort, safety, and awe of my hometown of Washington DC.

      • answered by Bats0711 on 01/20/2012
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    • Public Speaking? EEK!

      • I often think to my self, "Bats, imagine what you could do if you had confidence in yourself?" I mean seriously if I had confidence …

      • answered by Bats0711 on 01/15/2012
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    • Impulsion Vs. Insanity, Is It The Same Thing?

      • Being Bipolar means certain aspects of yourself stick out tremendously. One of these is impulsive actions; and couple that with alcoholism, you pretty much have someone whom believes they are invincible. The award for most impulsive act to date for me has to go to when I woke up in the Bahamas, although this action didn't really hit me until I was on my way back and had to pay the $1600 alcohol bill, yup that was just for alcohol and I was only there for 4 days. Thank heavens I still had a ticket home and my passport to get back into the states or else I would've been a homeless chick living in a beautiful place.
        AA has a word for this, insanity. See, I hate that word, really hate it. Was it insane to go to the Bahamas and not think about anything other than alcohol, not think about my safety? Absolutely. However since I'm Bipolar I get to call it something a tad nicer, impulsive. I still suffer from impulsion, to this date and even when I have my Bipolar Disorder under control. I always have to be vigilant that I don't fall into the impulsiveness of my disorder. That's pretty much always been the way I've relapsed, just an impulsive act. One second I'm sober and the next I'm flying high, drunk and somewhere I don't even know. I always have to tell myself to think everything through, to be mindful of my actions, even if it's just going to the store to buy panties.
        So, here's your turn to weigh in; is it impulsion or insanity? Or do you feel like me and think of it as the same thing, just a nicer way to say your actions are unstable and insane?

      • answered by Bats0711 on 08/06/2011
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    • My Patience is Out of Control, Ten Fold

      • Wetlands

        My patience is running very thin with my neighbors. Look when you purchase a piece of land that is protected by the state government,and I know I just said the evil G word but it is what it is; then there are laws, rules, regulations and conveyances that are associated with that piece of land. One law is, don't cut any trees down. They are there for a purpose, not only natural beauty but also for oxygen, and the trees that grow in a wetland help filter the water to make natural clean water. There are also plants and animals in a wetland that help filter the water. If you spray chemicals such as; weed be gone or insecticide then you are breaking down the wetlands so they can no longer do the job that they are intended to do not to mention it is washing through my backyard into a lake. Also lets face it wetlands are WET land so to plant sod or grass seed into it well uh not a good idea, pretty much a waste of money which I keep telling my neighbors that they are fighting a losing battle and I ask what was the purpose of you buying a protected part of Mother Earth? My purpose was so the developer wouldn't just wipe out the natural beauty to place houses on top of houses which we are pretty much at anyway, as you can tell by my impatience with my neighbors, we are already living on top of each other. Anyway, what am I getting at?

        Last night my neighbors come to me and say:
        "Bats, we have to do something about the WATER" (and I am coming to the part that will explain why I capitalized water)
        and I say, "Ummmm okay what are you getting at?"
        "Well the soil is too WET and it can take no more WATER into it. So, it's washing away peoples lawns."
        Here comes my sarcastic side. "Hmmmmm okay so what you are saying to me is, 'I have placed sod and grass seed and various other things in a portion of my land that I was told not to', am I correct in what I am thinking you are coming at me with?"
        "Yes, we have to come up with something or else the money I have spent is just being washed down stream literally."
        "Okay well how about you ask the state what you should do to try and maintain your portion of the WETLANDS?"
        "No way! I don't want to get into it with the state since I wasn't suppose to plant anything without approval!"
        "Well the fence you just built in the wetlands should soak up a majority of the water, just give it a month then you are into the dry season and there you go. Or how about you plant some trees like maple, plants like ferns that will soak up some but not all of the water and help maintain the natural beauty of Mother Earth?"
        "Well what we were thinking of doing is going ahead and placing a pipe underground that will help pull the water to the lake."
        Again with Bats' sarcastic side, "Uhhhh you want to place a pipe into my backyard which means you want to dig a trench in my yard (my portion of the WETLANDS) and place a man made pipe to TRY and draw water out of your portion of the WETLANDS? No."
        "Why?"
        "Because I said so." I couldn't help but say that, mainly because this whole debacle is pissing my off and I feel like I'm dealing with 16 year olds at this point.
        "No seriously the water is out of control."
        "Okay well I'm not sure what you are expecting me to say to this. I will not agree with this."
        "Why? We are going to need you to help get approval to do something about it."
        "Because I'm a bitch about the fact that I am NOT and I repeat to you all, I am NOT going to put anything man made into this portion of my lot. Plain and simple. We'll have to figure something else out. Let me do some research on what we can do to naturally pull this water out of your lot and into my mine. I don't mind the water, when it rains it produces a natural stream down to the lake and is actually quite attractive, NATURALLY." SO now I'm panic ridden and anxiety striken (or is that the other way around?) that they will just do it anyways because they are doing whatever they want to the WETLANDS at this point, as long as it helps them.

        I don't know how much more drama over this I can take. I'm not sleeping, eating, or otherwise able to think about much more than this drama. Well I am able to think about alcohol because what does an alcoholic do when there is a situation in their life that is making them feel? That's right children, we drink and we drink a whole hell of a lot. I so want a fucking drink right now, right this minute!!! Sigh...

      • answered by Bats0711 on 04/25/2011
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