Life

This aught to be interesting...
1989: Come back in a few years when I am capable of higher brain functions

1993: A smattering of memories, my main feeling was confusion with a dash of curiosity.

1994: I wore a tiny suit for a wedding, last memories of most relatives outside of immediate family.

1995: Brother was born, didn't take to him at first

1996: First recollection of any mention of football and first instance of interest,
or disinterest in different songs I heard on the radio, I suppose I lost the tin ear of youth.

1997: Was that the year those star wars films came out again? If so then I remember my eight year old self appreciating those.

1998: Election was year beofre but living under Labour was a thing around this time.

1999: Second year of Primary school, starting to shrink from the world.

2000: People yelling happy new year out of car windows well into March,
maybe my first full appreciation of life other than the routine I was used to.

2001: Moved to secondary school, started to not enjoy myself.

2002: Time trudged slowly on, starting to feel angry.

2003: Endless routine of school brightened occasionally by distractions like sitting in my room listening to music with headphones on really loudly to block everything out.

2004: Really hating everything, school is horrible, social awkwardness created by posh Christian all boys school really getting me down, took out anger by joining school rifle club and being awesome at something for once.

2005: Ascended beyond hate to pure lack of care. Got into trouble at school and probably started to make people uncomfortable at my mental development. Also, freedom from that fucking school.

2006: A-level college, social awkwardness remained but helpful and friendly staff were turning it around for me. Starting to feel that Classics was the path for me

2007: First girlfriend, learnt a lot. Also first seveer backlash against attempts to come out of my shell and thoughts of suicide.

2008: Gap Year, hadn't caught travelling bug yet, probably as a backlash against being sunburnt so many times as a child on trips to Italy. Still not really sure what to do with myself or aware that I could take steps in life without having to ask for confirmation. Experience of the workplace and different people really helped me start to come out and be a regular, happy guy.

2009: Fresher at Uni, full independence led to an awesomely self destructive and unproductive year until near the end when it went downhill fast. Luckily the grades were good.

2010: Sucky second year, back to the grind of work and no life as I had a backlash against my poor habits in first year. Highlight of first extended trip abroad (to Bulgaria and Romania) and new desire to leave England, travel and generally do adventurous stuff.

2011: Been ok so far, fully out of my shell and ready to rock! Romania has been a big part of my year this year, probably my favourite country of all that I have seen, can't wait to go back.

Ok some of those were waaaay longer than sentences but I feel they made up for the early years when I had nothing much going on.

I love abandoned buildings. I cannot resist a visit whether it is because I wish to live out my childhood fantasies of exploring ruins and fighting ghosts, or simply indulge my adult interests by exploring old ruins: Imagining what they were like and what could be done with them, as well as engaging in some slightly dangerous gymnastics around the ruined features.

I still do find them a bit creepy, but in a good way I guess. The sense of excitement at the unknown and the possibility of a cool discovery keep me interested in old buildings despite the feelings of being watched, or the breeze making unsettling noises through the broken windows, or any number of other spooky coincidences.

Once I explored an old hotel complex in Bulgaria that had laid in ruin for about 50 years. It was fascinating to see the old basement bath complex with big tiled hot tubs, overgrown and mostly smashed up. Looking through the broken windows and admiring what remained of the art painted onto the walls, which was supposed to appeal to children and be funny and happy, but the new context had given them a much creepier tone.

The more recently graffiti, post abandonment, was also interesting to read, mostly depressed teenagers writing about their lives and other things they hate on the walls.

After dodging some large holes and working my way around a balcony or two to look out over the rest of the town and countryside I made may way into the smaller building which was once home to some of the rooms. Tell tale signs like sinks and occasional rusted and bent bed-frames, as well was the uniform size of the rooms, gave away the buildings purpose.

The most spooky thing that happened the whole time was caused by a bat which, after sensing me, shrieked and flew around the small room it had found itself in, trying to fly out but being too high, and probably blinded in the daylight, to find the window. Otherwise there was just a general feeling of sadness created by the depressing graffiti, the broken glass and rubble and the noise it made when it was trudged over, and the light wind rushing through the many holes in the buildings structure and playing with the multitude of climbing plants and trees that had taken advantage of the abandonment to move in themselves.

I would love to go back to that house and see it reborn as a luxury spa or hotel but I doubt it will ever be realised. As no-one is taking responsibility for it it will likely remain a ruin for some time to come.