My business card in several easy steps! And by easy I mean HA! Also HAHAHA!

My business card now:

Heather L. Barmore
Badass, faux-writer extraordinaire

My business card in 2020:

Representative Heather L. Barmore
Badass; D-NY 20
(202) 225-XXXX

My business card in 2022 due to some crazy special election or appointment:

Senator Heather L. Barmore
Badass; D-NY
(202) 224-XXXX

My business card in 2024:

Heather L. Barmore
Badass; Director of Domestic Policy
Old Executive Office Building
Washington, DC

My business card in 2028:

The Honorable Heather L. Barmore
Badass; Secretary of Education
United States Department of Education
Washington, DC

This was a difficult prompt because I could only come up with one answer for now. Of course there are other things that seem more superfluous and superficial so this is the one thing that I knew I really wanted more than anything, right at this moment.

30 seconds later I remembered that I did want to run for office. It might be fun to get slandered on the front of the NYTimes during a crazy bid for a Senate seat.

Write a book
In second grade I was deemed an exceptional writer and in fourth grade I won a contest. Since elementary school - hell, probably from the womb - I have wanted to write a novel. I want to heed Toni Morrison's advice (If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it). The thought of doing such has left me with a bag of emotions that I am unable to fully express and there lies my fear: In failure and inability. Like I'm not good enough to write more than a four paragraph blog post.

Of course there are other things I'd like to do before death: babies, marriage (once I get over my fear of marriage) but the BIG, thing for right now is to write the one thing I've always wanted to read.

Run for office
Since I was 11 I've wanted to be a member of Congress. I don't know if I will ever have the stamina to do so also I have a blog that chronicles my every thought and action from 21 on and hoo boy! I'm not sure how voters will feel about my extracurricular activities (see: drunk table dancing in Adams Morgan). But maybe one day.

So, I have a sensitive stomach. So sensitive that I've been known to gag at the sight of gray snow littered with garbage. Or oh my God, when someone spits on the street. My stomach is churning with the thought of it all right now.

I had told my mother that I wasn't feeling well...I was queasy. She nodded and told me to get my ass on the bus. I got on the bus and right there where I sat someone had hocked a loogie. I kept trying to look away and avoid it but it was a [insert disaster of your choice] and I just couldn't look away. Everywhere my eyes went it was like that giant wad of spit and phlegm had eyes as well they were following me.

I got that warm feeling in my throat - kind of like the one I'm getting now just from the memory - and all of a sudden there were tiny bits of my breakfast on the outside of my stomach inside of in. Boiled egg and toast splattered all over the center aisle of my school bus. Sloshing around while all of these kids around me screamed and jumped and tried to avoid me at all costs because I could become Heather, The Barf Machine!

Of course it was elementary school and it was soon forgotten until another little boy or girl did something more embarrassing like peeing on themselves in the second grade.

Or at least it was forgotten until I did a repeat performance of The Great Bus Barfing Caper six years later. In the eighth grade. All over my clarinet case. Just as the boy I was madly in love with was about to turn around and utter a few precious words to me...