Because Boston is the Shit!
]]>Because Boston is the Shit!
]]>Billy from the Power Rangers (Blue Power Ranger)
For some reason was always my favorite of all of them. He had that I-get-my-ass-kicked-daily swagger in his step. Nonetheless, his ride turns into a triceratops. He'll clean the streets with the rival gang in that sucker.
A Sloth
Just try killing a sloth. I dare you!!!
Keith Moon
While playing for the Who, he was once told he had to quit playing so loud. He was also told to stop when he was chasing his wife around his home with a kitchen knife. You always have to have the crazy in your group. Plus, he was a drunk.
Keanu Reeves
I'll just let him go first to see how the rival gang fares in a 10 on 1 battle. "Am I the one," he will dyingly ask.
Ted Nugent
Sweaty Teddy knows how to shoot a rifle, handgun and bow and knows his way around a buck knife. When Nuge is angry, you will feel the wrath of something that is similar to a Cat Scratch Fever.
Believe it or not, which you are all probably going to believe even though my former statement said you may not, I have a porcelain squirrel that rest politely on my desk. However, this squirrel neither speaks nor rustles around on my desk as squirrels normally do. It's something my grandma bought off of one of those Home Shopping Network deals. Nonetheless, the squirrel defines me.
Still useless, though.
Apparently, McDonald's, which isn't necessarily a good place to get food, is located here on Market Street in San Francisco. It's cheap, though. They have a Dollar Menu!!! When did this happen???????????
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...my aspirations in life include becoming homeless.
]]>The Person(s) That One is With Can Never Talk to the Opposite Sex
And when I say ever, I mean forever! If the relationship ends up going down the drain, tough luck! You knew what you were getting into!
Set-Up Long Distance Baby Monitors So the The Couple (or Triple+) Can Be In Contant Connection With Each Other
No longer will the other, controlling partner be worried where you are. Now, you can always hear each other breath, sleep, eat, talk, etc...(this means the list goes on...) when you two (or three (I keep doing this!!!)) are away from each other. Nothing says healthy like never letting go, never being apart! Right?!?!
Be Cool
It's all good! Things will work out just fine. No matter what! Nothing can break up a relationship! Nothing!
Not truly frightened,
The black policeman scared me,
This is a haiku.
My concern about the environment goes beyond the human imagination. So, in order to make up for our depleting and sorrow some O-Zone, I've come up with a diabolical plan: make a plastic (or something more eco-friendly) bubble that engulfs the whole earth. This material would be white-dwarf-explosion proof and harmful UV proof. Pretty spiffy, huh?!? Now if i could just find the materials. I put them here somewhere...
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What don't I like? The millions of times I've heard that song, the band always gets back up! What the hell? At some point, one can, physically and mentally, never "get back up again". Speaking of not getting back up again and never keeping you down, when did you get back up from that song???
I know this is a classic rock song. I know that this is a fan favorite. The problem is it has been over-played, and over-played and over-played! Take some time off, Angus; Thuderstruck is still in the running...
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car by Billy Ocean
Dear Billy,
I know you reached your musical peak in the 80's. However, it's strikingly difficult to believe that a grown man would ever sing a song about a stalker. Obviously you couldn't get the woman in the first place, you even had to dream about her. But, c'mon!!! Don't force her into your car. That will only get you in trouble with Johnny Law! Plus the song sucks.
Sincerely,
Jeff
A Philosopher
You see, a philosopher is just one of those people that can get along with anyone, in general. They tend to hold good discussions, mainly using the Socratic Method of Reasoning, or, as we people of average knowledge like to call it, questions. If he/she hasn't showered in a while, it's all good. His/Her words are more potent than the stench leaking from his/her crotch.
A Monkey
No, no! I'm not talking about a member of the pop music group from England. I'm talking about a furry animal that throws its own feces. Exempting the recreational poo toss, everything a monkey does is funny. Just look at 'em.
An Elevator Technician
Who better than an elevator technician to get you out of an elevator mishap. If luck brought you such great fortune, no need for the philosopher or the monkey. You might be home in time to watch Jeopardy and Judge Judy. I'll wade it out...he knows what he's doin'!
I'm guessing that these two types of people are absolutes, meaning one never stops talking or one never stops staring. If this is the case, the quiet starer is much more manageable. You can do silly things to the quiet starer like say mean, degrading things and not have to worry about a verbal exchange because this person is quiet. You could even just fall asleep. The irritating talker, if we are following the rule of absolutes, will continue to talk even if you try to stop this person from doing so, like talking over him/her. Trust me on this one. No one, and I mean no one, likes the irritating talker.
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Swimming Song by Loudon Wainwright
Swimming Song is just fun. There is no other way that I could describe it. Lyrics such as, "This summer I swam in a public place and a reservoir to boot. In the latter I was informal, in the former I wore my suit. I wore my swimming suit, yeah," just blow your mind! Like it or love it. Your choice.
Intriguing, yet delightful. Just know that you may indeed find yourself tapping your toe to this song.
Nothing says open road and quickly moving, yet completely irrelevant, locomotives like good, old fashioned blues. Plus, you can't go wrong with Clapton, pre-cocaine and all.
