Kristen Surette - Plinky Answers

Forewarned

2009-09-04T22:14:32-06:00

I probably wasn't three years old yet. My older brother Jeff was at school, my younger brother Scott was four years away from even being considered, and I'm not sure where my mom was, but she wasn't home.

My dad had taken the day off from work, which never happened. His entire life, I think I saw him call out sick once. Any other days off were his planned vacations, so I'm not sure why he had taken this particular day off.

Anyhow, my dad brought me to the zoo that day, and I remember sitting there in the passenger seat (because in those days, only infants sat in carseats, and only when they felt like it). I was so small I could barely even see out my window. For some reason, I started making really stupid ugly faces, and my dad said "Don't do that... your face will get stuck like that."

I believed this for many many years and to tell you the truth, I'm still hesitant to make any drastic facial expressions.

Then at the zoo, I saw a newborn monkey.

How's This Thought For You?

2009-09-04T21:54:25-06:00

For some reason, I was shocked to find out that in "In the Air Tonight", Phil is saying "Oh lord" in the chorus and not "Hold on". I realize it's not exactly shocking, it's just that for my entire life I would sing that song and say "Hold on". Not the words. This came up when Nick made me listen to the song because his cousin had just told him that urban legend about the guy drowning. But I quickly shot that down and then Wiki'd it to prove it wasn't true, because I love raining on parades.

In "Silent All These Years", I always knew the lyrics. However, one day I was listening to that song and I heard Tori say "Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon. How's that thought for you?" and I realized that she was saying that he better cross his fingers that she get her period soon because she might be knocked up. That was a revelation to me. That song has great lyrics.

I always hated "Breakfast At Tiffany's". It was overplayed on the radio when I was in maybe 6th grade and I just hated the sound of it. I also couldn't figure out what the chorus was all about because of the guy's accent. I think I've plinky'd about this song before, but once I figured out what they are saying in the chorus, it made me really love the song. I suggest everyone go back and read whatever it was I wrote about that song if you don't already appreciate it. Because you will.

In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Silent All These Years by Tori Amos

Breakfast At Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something

If At First You Don't Succeed, NBD

2009-06-18T21:44:31-06:00

I always wanted to go to Harvard. Before I was even old enough to know what college was, I wanted to go to Harvard. My parents and family seemed to think this was reasonable enough and it was assumed that I would go there and end up doing something good with my life.

But then life and it's crazy sense of humor got in the way and I didn't end up doing a lot of things I always thought I would do, and that's ok. I went to a state college and had a great time with the friends I met there. I learned a lot and became a more well rounded person.

Now, two years after receiving my degree, I've decided to apply to Harvard. Eventually, I will receive a rejection letter. I will take this letter and I will frame it and I will hang it on the wall in my house.

My reason for doing this is because someday I'm going to have kids. I want my kids to grow up in a home that has a framed rejection letter from Harvard on the wall because I think it will teach them a valuable lesson.

Because at least I tried, right?

The Chicken Came First

2009-06-18T21:24:28-06:00

Because obviously the chicken had to lay the egg.

It's basic science, but I'll start from the beginning for those of you who weren't blessed with a public school education like me:

God created the dinosaurs. Dinosaurs became extinct, for two different reasons. First let's take a look at the big dinos: Think of a brontosaurus. Those guys were huge. In fact, they were so huge that I'm guessing they didn't do a whole lot of copulating. Sure, they did sometimes... but not a lot. Eventually the Large Dino population dwindled and they became extinct. Now think of the smaller dinosaurs, like the little thing that killed Newman in Jurassic Park. This is the important part.

Ever hear of this thing called "evolution"? That's what happened to the little dinosaurs. First they were dinosaurs, and then over time they became reptiles, and then they became reptiles with wing-like arms, and then they grew feathers and suddenly they were birds. Then after they were birds they turned into chickens.

Once they were chickens, they started laying eggs.

Like I said, it's basic science. But I'm not expecting you to understand.

Your dog at your homework? Well my cat ate my brother.

2009-05-08T22:18:02-06:00

When I was in 7th grade, I had a cat named Penny. My little brother Scott was about 6 years old at the time. One night, Scott was playing and he ran down the hall, as a 6 year old might do. Little did he know, Penny was hiding under the end table, waiting to pounce on him.

You know how pets will sometimes pounce in an innocent playful manner? It was kind of the opposite of that. She tried to claw his brains out or something. He had to be taken to the emergency room to get his head stitched back together. Poor Scott.

Needless to say, I'm a dog person.

I'd fit in well in 'The 40 Year Old Virgin'

2009-05-08T17:18:10-06:00

I love these guys, and I think they would have liked me. Guys tend to reluctantly accept me into their little Boyfriend clubs, even though I'm a girl. They tell me all their Boy Secrets, and I give them insight on the Mind of a Woman (which is whaaacked... but we can't help it).

I particularly like Seth Rogen's character, who I think is named Cal? Mainly because when Seth Rogen talks, it sounds strikingly like myself. Which is really odd because he's a large red headed Jewish man and I'm just a little girl.

And probably then I would make out with his character.

My journey

2009-05-02T23:40:08-06:00

It all started the morning after Christmas in 1984 when my mom's water broke and I almost fell out on the sidewalk. Because of this, my little brother had to be born via C section to ensure that he did not fall out on the sidewalk, but this story isn't about him it's about me.

Then I went to college and messed around there for a little while and graduated with a 3.24 GPA. At 3.25 would have graduated me with honors. This is my most ridiculous failure to date.

After college I needed a job, but I was too nervous to search for one. Instead I just accepted the first job that I was offered, for this scam of a marketing company. On my first day, Nick saw me and fell madly in love with me at first sight. I stood him up on our first date, but he eventually tricked me into another one. We quit that job a week later.

Then we moved to Acton to live together. We were going to get a cat, but when we went to the shelter to get Gladys, she hissed at Nick and then bit his hand and we remembered that we don't like cats. Then I needed a new job because my job at the bank paid crap. I hated driving 30 minutes to work every day, so I looked within a mile radius of our condo and found my job at Liberty Mutual. And then I bought a brand new car last week.

That's how I got here, to answer your question.

I'm on fire

2009-05-02T23:19:38-06:00

Last summer I saw John Mayer at Great Woods for maybe the 100th time (that's right, I still call at Great Woods) and he randomly went into Bruce Springsteens "I'm On Fire".

John Mayer has done some weird stuff lately, like date Jennifer Aniston and Twitter way too much. But the sound of his guitar still makes me cry.

Whooooa Oohhh Ooohhh I'm on fire.

Real Women Have Vaginas. And Estrogen.

2009-05-02T15:28:01-06:00

Real Women Have Curves
I don't like the idea of being "offended" by things, but hear me out on this one.
Whether in reference to the book, the movie, or the just the mantra, whenever I hear that "real women have curves" I get a pang of wtf on the inside.
I am a size 2. I am 5'4" and I didn't surpass 100 pounds until I was maybe 21 years old. I understand that a lot of people would love to be a size 2, and I will say that I am appreciative of the fact that I have never had to really worry about weight.
In the same breath, I hate hearing that "real women have curves". Here is what that implies to me: Kristen does not have curves, therefore Kristen is not a real woman. Oh yeah? Well I have a vagina that begs to differ.
I bought a pretty little sundress today, and I have to return it. I have to return it because it's something I'd have to wear bra-less, and my 34A chest won't fill it out without the help of my padded bra.
I understand that the concept of Real Women Having Curves made some curvier ladies feel better about not fitting into the size 0 mold that this f'd up world has made us think we have to fit into. But what about the rest of us, who also have our insecurities? I had no more of a say in the way god made me than anyone else. So don't tell me I'm not a woman.

Prom 2003 wasn't as fun as you'd think

2009-05-01T07:26:43-06:00

I had this boyfriend in high school who everyone thought was just fantastic. He was tall and goofy and had enormous ears, but he had a pretty great personality and was known as a NICE guy. So when he started being a shitty boyfriend and treating me like crap and then broke up with me and was even more of a jerk, nobody really believed me. And I still had to hear all the time what a NICE GUY that Dan was.

I was really angry, so as punishment I made him take me to my prom. I had a terribly sucky time, which I realize was my own fault. Dan was a couple years older than me, but he knew everyone in my class, so he normally would have had a terrific time. I made sure he didn't though and went out of my way to make sure he stuck by my miserable side all night while I glared at him.

At least our pictures came out really nice, I will say we made an attractive couple. Well... as attractive as you can get when one of you looks like Dumbo.

UPDATE: Dan has since converted to Jehovah's Witnessism and married a fellow Jehovah. Sometimes he goes knocking on my mom's door and bugs her.

I can explain!

2009-04-23T07:13:11-06:00

What Mom? This enormous red and purple bruise that takes up the entire left side of my neck? NO it's not a hickey! What the hell kind of girl do you think I am?
What is it then, if it isn't a giant hickey? Well ummm... You mean you didn't hear? Last night, you know, that noise, you probably heard it.. oh you didn't? Well last night yeah I fell out of my bed. I rolled right over in my sleep, and then I fell out of bed, and this enormous red and purple mark on my neck, it's like, half bruise half rug burn. From when I fell out of bed. And landed on my neck. On the rug.
I know, weird right?

I'm Not Sleepy brings me back

2009-04-22T21:39:08-06:00

Well this isn't a picture of the book I'm talking about, but it's the only one that popped up and I couldn't figure out how to answer without having a picture first.

Anyways, when me and my brother Jeff were about 4 and 5 years old, we had this book called I'm Not Sleepy. It was about this little bear who kept making up excuses so he wouldn't have to go to sleep, and his mom kept saying "!Go to BED baby bear!" and he would say "But I'm not sleepy! Can I have a drink of water?" We loved this book and our mom would read it to us all the time.

One day, we took an orange Magic Marker and did some creative editing. Since we were 4 and 5 years old, this consisted of changing each page so it said something along the lines of "But I'm not sleepy! Can I have a drink of water? TO MAK ME GO PEEPEE" or "But I'm not sleepy! Can I watch TV? AND I HAV DIURER" or "But I'm not sleepy! Will you read me a book? ABOWT POOP".

The next time my mom read that book to us, she was like ... what the hell?
I think I'm Not Sleepy (The Remix) is still probably at her house somewhere. I should look for that.

My fear of Squirrels and birds

2009-04-20T19:32:08-06:00

LOST

2009-04-20T16:39:18-06:00

Ever see Lost?

Fact: It's the best show on television. The first 15 minutes of the pilot are the best 15 minutes of television ever created, and the episode entitled "The Constant" is the best episode of television ever created, so that's a pretty good track record.

Anyways SPOILER ALERT they get off the island in Season 4 (not too much of a spoiler because every knows Jack's epic quote "We have to go back") and boy do they have it made when they get back to the real world. Can you say money? They sued the pants off Oceanic Airlines. And seeing as I did not kill my dad or anyone else's dad, I'd be in even better shape than they are.

That is, assuming I got on that island via plane crash. If there was nobody to sue, that might be a different story.

A haiku about To Kill A Mockingbird

2009-04-15T21:29:52-06:00

Killing mockingbirds:
That is a sin. And also...
Don't cry rape, white bitch.

Three Simple Rules

2009-04-12T17:24:30-06:00

Not to brag, but my relationship is perfect, and I'll tell you my little secrets for making that happen. Pay close attention to Rule #3.

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.
Even if it's something the other person might not necessarily want to hear. I ran into an ex at a bar last November and ended up talking to him till 3 am. I went home and immediately told Nick. He obviously would have preferred that I didn't talk to an old flame until the wee hours of the morning, but I didn't do anything wrong and I was honest about it, so how upset could he be about it?
I used to be friends with this guy who had a jealous girlfriend, and he would keep our friendship a secret from her because if she knew, "it would just cause problems". Then she found out anyways, and it looked like there was actually something to be jealous about because he was so sketchy about the whole thing. Honesty is always the best policy.

Don't change in front of each other.
I had a friend who told me that she didn't even notice when her boyfriend got naked in front of her, because they had lived together for a while and he undressed in front of her all the time. She was 21 YEARS OLD at the time. That was really sad to me, so I swore that I would never change in front of Nick. But after living together for a while, it is tough to hide every time you get sick of having pants on. So I sort of compromised. Now what I do is, if I'm changing and he looks at me, I act like "oh my god don't look!" and try to cover up the body parts he should not be looking at. Obviously nothing he hasn't seen before, but it keeps the mystery alive, you know?

Pick the right person!
Too often, I see my friends start dating guys and then turn into shitty people. But then on the other hand, there are people like my friend Krysta. Krysta used to be sort of shy and introverted, but then she met Clayton about five or six years ago and she totally transformed. She is now more open and ok with herself than I ever would have imagined she would be (and she's married and has a kid). And honestly, Clayton didn't DO anything special to change her, he was just the right one for her.
Same goes for Nicky... he's just the right guy for me. And no matter how many times I hack into his computer and play awesome April Fools Day pranks on him, he isn't going anywhere.
The best thing you can do to maintain a healthy relationship is be in one with the right person.

I'm In the Harvard Med School Hall of Fame. But For the Wrong Reasons.

2009-04-04T22:18:41-06:00

Popsicle Toe's are always cold

When I was a freshman in high school, my toe started to hurt.

Then I noticed this orange gummy-looking thing growing out from under my toenail. It was actually raising the nail off of my toe. My brothers made fun of me and said it was fungus, but it hurt WAY too much to be fungus.

I went to a podiatrist, and he X-rayed my foot. I didn't find this out until recently, but apparently they thought I had bone cancer. Upon further inspection, they discovered that I had cartilige growing off the bone in my toe. In his 35 years as a podiatrist, the doc had never seen anything like it.

I had surgery the next week, during which they chiseled that shit off my bone. I know this is what happened, because I woke up in the middle of the surgery. NOTE: No matter how hard they numb you, you're going to feel someone chiseling at your bone... it won't necessarily hurt, but you're going to feel it. Remembering that particular sensation gives me the heebie jeebies to this day.

Anyhow, I was such a freak of nature that they took my cartilidge and sold it to Harvard Medical School to be studied. I have yet to see any profit.
On a side not, I realized today that cartilidge is one of only two words that I'm not sure how to spell correctly. The other word is "calendar".

Stuck in an elevator with Nick

2009-04-03T21:20:30-06:00

Nick
Originally I thought "DEFINITELY not Nick." He's my best friend in the whole world and I love him to death, but we have this odd, deep hatred for one another. It's a miracle we get on so well living together. Plus he is the most impatient person I've ever met and has a temper that I would try to explain but you would never believe me. Being in a FUNCTIONAL elevator with Nick is almost enough to make me kill myself.

But then I was thinking, what if I'm stuck in the elevator for a really long time? Nick is the only person I would be comfortable peeing in front of.

So, Nick.

2009 April Fools Backfire

2009-04-01T18:17:42-06:00

Today when I was at work, I went to text Nick to ask him if we could break up on Facebook as an April Fool's Day prank. As I was texting, I realized he wouldn't be able to change his status anyways because he actually does work when he is at work and does not have the time for that crap. Then I also realized I know his password.

So I hacked into his Facebook and asked me to marry him, then signed in as myself and accepted. The plan was, people would see it and call/text him while he was at work and congratulate him on getting engaged, and he would be like WTF IS GOING ON HERE. But instead, everyone called/texted ME to congratulate me. Even Nick's best friend sent me a message, and said nothing to Nick. So I pranked everyone BUT Nick, which is all right I guess.

I ended up telling Nick about my prank before he came home. He was mad that I signed into his Facebook and even madder that I said we were getting married (he gets really lame about marriage). So not only are we not engaged, he's probably going to break up with me.

April Fools.

I get my news from Perez Hilton

2009-03-31T17:07:41-06:00

Anyone who bashes Perez for reporting celebrity gossip that nobody cares about needs to turn on the evening news and see what they're reporting because it's pretty much the same thing. I remember being disgusted years ago because the top story on the 5:00 news on all the major networks was that Britney Spears cut her hair, and that is in no way an exagerration.

Perez does the same thing. He reports that Zac Efron went to the gym this morning, but he also posts actual news stories. I use him as a filter. If Perez thinks it's important enough to interrupt the daily celebrity juice, then it's important enough for me to read. Everything I know about politics, I know from clicking on links that Perez posted on his site.

Another great thing is that he cuts out all the pretentious baloney. I'm not a DUMB person and I don't need things to be DUMBED down, but there's no reason to state something more elaborately than it needs to be stated.
"President Barack Obama embarked on his Europe trip Tuesday, with a hefty economic and national security agenda for his first journey across the Atlantic since taking office two months ago." becomes "President Obama went to Europe yesterday. He's in London trying to fix the economy!! Maybe he will see Robert Pattinson! Give him a kiss for us!"

And I'm fine with that.

Here, have a few hundred bucks.

2009-03-29T19:22:36-06:00

I know we all wish we could solve all of the world's problems, but it just isn't possible. Getting rid of world hunger, finding a cure for cancer, finding homes for the homeless... it's going to take a lot more than money to fix that, and definitely a lot more than a million dollars.

If I had to give away a million dollars, I would spread it out.

A year ago, I had been out of college for less than a year and I was struggling a little bit with money. I was double frustrated about this because I did not get myself into this situation. I didn't go out, I didn't party, I didn't go shopping, I pretty much lived off the dollar menu. But all of my money was going to school loans and rent and bills and trying to pay off the enormous credit card balance I had accrued from fixing my shitty car. And I remember saying to Nick one day "If I only had $3,000 it would change my life, and it's so frustrating because it's such an insignificant amount of money."

So that's what I would do. I would hang onto the million dollars until I came across someone like my one-year-ago self. Someone who is just getting started and could use a couple thousand dollars to get on their feet. You could give a million dollars to a big charity, but who's going to feel that? Give a couple thousand dollars to a five hundred people who need it and that will make a difference.

You's A Ho

2009-03-25T18:19:54-06:00

If you even have to ask, it's slutty.
I mean really the difference is in the person. The example I gave Marie: Reese Witherspoon in the little metallic dress she wore to the premiere of Aliens vs. Monsters or whatever the hell that movie is called. Super cute. Put Lindsay Lohan in that same outfit? HO BAG.
It's all about how you carry yourself, and how much respect you have for yourself. Speaking of Reese Witherspoon and having respect for yourself, one of the best things she has ever said was when she was accepting her Oscar for Walk the Line and she thanked her grandmother and said :She taught me how to be a real woman to have strength and self respect, and to never give those things away." It was really beautiful.
Anyways my point is, if you've given those things away... trampy.

But I'm All Right Now!

2009-03-24T19:08:28-06:00

My scar story is a sad story.

I was hurting really bad on the inside after my dad died, and nobody knew how to help me. And when you feel that way, you aren't thinking about how other people feel or what they're thinking, you're just thinking about how bad you feel. I didn't realize that people didn't know how to help, I thought that they didn't want to or that they didn't realize I needed it.

I dyed my hair black so my outsides would match my insides, but that didn't help either. And one day it hurt so badly that I couldn't keep it inside anymore because if I did something would explode, so I had to get some of it out. So I put it on my face. I took the key to my dorm room and dragged it across my cheek, right under my eye, as hard as I could. I had a nasty looking cut for a while.
So emo.

The good (and dare I say symbolic) news is that in time it healed very well and you can barely even see it unless you look closely.

At A Stop Sign

2009-03-24T11:31:51-06:00

It wasn't even my first kiss, but whenever anyone asks about first kisses, it's the one that comes to mind. I was a scrawny sophomore in high school and I had a crush on a senior, who I had never met. I did some investigating (that's teenage girl speak for "stalking") and found out his name was Josh and he was single. I told my friends he liked me, and they didn't believe me until one night we went to the restaurant he worked at (which I found out after more investigating) and our waitress came over and said that Josh would like my phone number.

So we started "going out". He was driving me home one night, we were driving on Livingston St by the corn fields and he stopped at a stop sign and turned to me and kissed me. It was just like they say in books and in the movies, where time stops and my heart was trying to beat its way out of my throat.

It's almost ten years later now and telling that story still makes me want to giggle like I'm 15 again.

My Bucket List

2009-03-23T11:23:59-06:00

Write a book.
Because I think it's an amazing accomplishment. I've wanted to be a writer since I was in first grade. Sometimes I think I could do it, other times I think I'm an awful writer. I finished a novella in high school and an entire movie script in college and it was one of the best feelings of accomplishment I've ever had, holding a heavy pile of paper filled with words that I wrote.

Have a baby.
I want to be a mom. Probably because I hate my mom, and I want to do it right and have my kids love me. I want to have some strong handsome boys and a daughter.

Perform on stage.
Again. I was in a couple musicals a long time ago and it was the most fun I have ever had in my life. I don't know if this counts as something I want to do before I die, because I've already done it, but I don't want to die without doing this again.

Win a competition.
I don't know WHAT competition. I just want to be the winner of something. I wish I had really focused on one sport my whole life so I could be in the Olympics or something. I don't know what other competitions are out there. Maybe even a game show, but those don't require a lot of skill. I've never seen the Amazing Race, but that would be something cool to win.

Leave the country.
Because I've never had any use for a passport before. There is so much out there.

Egg beater, please

2009-03-22T17:41:39-06:00

I would really like an egg beater. I'm really into baking and sometimes the recipes call for something to be beaten or whipped and I end up having to whisk it around REAL FAST with a fork. An egg beater would help me a lot. I would also try it on mashed potatoes, even though Nick and I both like our mashed potatoes kind of chunky. It's still worth trying. I wonder how much egg beaters go for these days. I should just go buy one.

Where can I park my Prius?

2009-03-20T18:09:24-06:00

Sensible always wins. And I like the Prius. It looks like a cute little bean.

A Useless Mindfuck

2009-03-15T21:30:52-06:00

Chestnut Custard Goldfish - Gold Leaf Burwood

The best prank I ever played was The Big Christmas Prank of 2002. Realistically, I don't remember what year it was, but it was definitely Christmas time, and that's the part that matters. Here's what happened:
As I said, it was Christmastime and Val didn't know what to get Krysta. My Christmas shopping was already done, so I was a good friend for a few minutes and helped her brainstorm.
"How about goldfish?" I suggested.
This struck us both as the best gift an 18 year old girl could receive, so we hauled ass to 24 hour Wal-Mart and I helped Val put together the best goldfish package ever. Fishbowl, pink rocks, plastic mermaid, and two little goldfishies. The present was all set.
A few days later, Krysta mentioned that she had no idea what to give Val for Christmas, and did I have any ideas? I sure did.
"Val would probably love a goldfish."
Before I knew it, I was back at 24 hour Wal-Mart, helping Krysta pick out goldfish accesories. "Val likes pink, get the pink rocks. Oh yeah that's a nice treasure chest, but I think Val would like this plastic mermaid even better." As you've guessed by now, I got the two of them to get each other the exact same gift, right down to the placement of the stupid mermaid in the bowl. Which would have been fine, if it had been something normal instead of goldfish, which neither of them had ever expressed any interest in owning. When we exchanged gifts, their reaction was "....what?"
My point is, it really wasn't even a good prank. I'm not even entirely sure it qualifies as a prank. But this is the kind of thing I like. It didn't scare anyone. It didn't embarass anyone. It was just a useless mindfuck.

Don't Talk To Me!

2009-03-15T15:27:41-06:00

If there's one thing I hate, it's having conversations. This goes especially for people who I am not very close with. I would be in absolute hell if I was stuck with someone for an entire day who wanted to talk to me.

For me, the best way to spend a day long bus trip is reading and daydreaming.

Oh man. I just realized I probably AM the quiet starer.

I Like Songs That Slap the Jerk in the Face

2009-03-13T11:23:02-06:00

What It Takes by Aerosmith

Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Cry Me A River by Justin Timberlake