• Pervy_Blakeney
      • hello The Scarlet Pervygirl
      • Username: Pervy_Blakeney
      • In response to: "If you were in a movie right now, what music would be playing?" Oh, God; something with a tuba, I imagine.
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    • "Name a bizarre gift you received."

      • My grandmother, who has been allowed by me and by my parents to remain under the misapprehension that I have graduated college with a bachelor's degree, gave me, as a graduation gift, the following items:

        * a box of milk-chocolate-covered almond clusters;

        * a pedometer;

        * a watch;

        * a check for $400;

        * Rick Warren's book The Purpose of Christmas.


        Rick Warren, for those of you who are unaware, is the homophobic fuck who gave the Invocation at Obama's inauguration and wrote The Purpose-Driven Life.

        Coincidentally, I'm sure, I "graduated" college in December. My grandmother has had 30 years' worth of fights with my parents, and 20 years' worth of fights with me, over the fact that neither my parents nor I celebrate Christmas. We each got Xeroxed copies of seven-page letters about "letting go of our pride" last year. Until December 31 of this past year, we thought we had escaped unscathed for once.

        Well played, Grandma. Stealthy.

        Incidentally, this is the same grandmother who once sent me a ceiling ornament made from small shells strung on clear plastic from a ratty, inverted basket. Half the decoration has been spray-painted neon yellow and neon pink. The other half had not.

        Also, she bought my parents a pair of ornamental Mexican figurines, by which I mean they were ornamental figurines in the shape of Mexicans, that were made of a sort of heavily lacquered papier-mache of old wallpaper samples.

        (One of her sisters, Aunt Ella, who is otherwise a wonderful and very sharp woman, recently sent my mother a gift box that included one of those little handbroom dolls, which are made of a calico "dress" covering a handmade twig handbroom. This one had a little straw hat, too, and even hair, but it had no face. It is one of the scariest things I have ever seen. It looks like a prop from a movie entitled The Blair Witch Craft Project.)

      • answered by Pervy_Blakeney on 02/16/2009
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