Even though some things hurt us, they're impossible to give up.

I had this conversation with my boyfriend about two days ago.
You know how there are those people out there who you will always sort of be in love with? I have one of those, and it's not my boyfriend. I've been infatuated with one guy for quite a while, but He loved someone else. He picked up on how I felt about Him, and unfortunately there was a point where both of our actions led to the destruction of His relationship. Which I've always regretted. Still, He loved her, so I let it be and removed myself from both of their lives for about six months.
And then I ran into Him one day. I had heard about everything that had happened to Him in the six months that I hadn't seen Him. And without thinking, I ran and hugged Him. "You're back! And You're healthy!" I practically yelled "...oh my God, are you still mad at me?" He laughed "No, of course not."
A week or so later I discovered we had a night-class together. Ethics actually, where the subject of cheating seemed to be a popular topic... and He sat right behind me. My face was so red I could give Elmo a run for his money.
At the end of class He offered to walk me home because it was dark and I lived about a half-mile from the school. He wanted to talk about everything that had happened in the last few months. He explained to me that He was back to square one, and He didn't understand why he couldn't love Himself enough to be healthy and clean. He also explained to me that He still loved her, but that her family didn't want her to be with Him. I just listened, offering advice when I could. Resigning myself to help Him in any way I could, because I cared so much and I just couldn't bare to see Him hurting.
And so for the next few weeks He would walk me home from class and we would just talk. It was the best part of my week. And then someone told her about it, and she told Him not to walk me home anymore. He loved her, so He agreed. I was so hurt, but I understood I suppose. So our chat time was cut down to before and after class... But then one day He wasn't there. I didn't think much of it. Until the following class, He wasn't there again.
"He relapsed, they had someone watching Him, everything He did. So He left... no one's heard from Him since." My roommate explained to me. My heart sank, I probably could have know that if he had been allowed to walk me home.
It was about a month before I heard from Him again. He was doing a lot better, but had withdrawn from school and was enrolling somewhere else. I was torn between sadness and relief, He had needed to get out of here, it was such an unhealthy place for Him. Though we started talking regularly, I assumed I would never see Him again... so I forced myself to move on.
About two months ago my boyfriend and I started dating. We had been close friends for a long time so it only made sense.
About two weeks ago He texted me. "My only regret is that I didn't get to you soon enough." He told me. I started to cry, of course He would realize it now. "Be happy though," He told me "you have a boyfriend who's crazy about you and writes you letters."
"I am happy." I told Him. But in the days following I've become less and less happy. It's ruining my relationship with my boyfriend because what I feel for him falls short in comparison to what I feel for Him. "I'm sorry," I cried to my boyfriend, "it's killing me. But I refuse to give up my ability to talk to him." My boyfriend looked like I had just stabbed him but answered "I would never ask you to."
I'm working to fix my relationship with my incredibly understanding boyfriend. He is my best friend and I would never want to hurt him. I know how selfish it is, but I couldn't bare to lose the relationship I have with Him, I never want to lose that.

I would invent a machine that is the opposite of a microwave. It instantly makes things cold!

Jealouss
I don't believe in jealousy. It's useless. Get over it.

He is a SHE?!
wtf. no thanks.

fat
no. fucking. way. fat people are'nt real.

doesn't smoke weed
That' great for you. I respect your decision. NEXT.

"I love you"
hahahahaha. don't pull that shit.